The plan below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.
The given diagram illustrates the development of
public
Correct article usage
a public
park
known as Grange park
between its first Capitalize word
Park
opened
in 1920 and nowadays.
Replace the word
opening
Overall
, it can be clearly observed that the park
went through both major and minor constructions, destructions, and renovation inside the park
such
as area
for Correct article usage
the area
musical
stage and aesthetic scenery. Add an article
the musical
However
, it is interesting to note that the changes in recent
plan Add an article
the recent
seems
to Change the verb form
seem
aiming
Wrong verb form
be aimed
for
Change preposition
at
larger
number of tourists.
Add an article
a larger
the larger
To begin
with, the park
is located between two main street
called Arnold Change to a plural noun
streets
avenue
and Eldon Capitalize word
Avenue
street
Capitalize word
Street
which
main Correct pronoun usage
whose
entrance
are situated Fix the agreement mistake
entrances
in
the top and bottom of the map, respectively. In 1920, the fountain at the center of the Change preposition
at
park
with seated
Correct article usage
a seated
area
distributed
around the corner of the Add a missing verb
was distributed
area
. In
the west side, there was a stage for musicians to perform their show surrounded Change preposition
On
with
Change preposition
by
the
rose Correct article usage
a
garden
at both corner
of the map. Another rose Change to a plural noun
corners
garden
nearby
the pond on the upper right corner of the map. Opposite the pond, there was a glasshouse Correct your spelling
near
lied
along Replace the word
lying
the
Eldon Correct article usage
apply
street
next to the main entrance.
In regards Capitalize word
Street
with
, today's blueprint, the fountain Change preposition
to
now
replaced with a Add a missing verb
is now
square shape
rose Correct your spelling
square-shaped
garden
with a benches
at each Correct the article-noun agreement
a bench
benches
sides
. The Stage Change to a singular noun
side
now
removed and turned into a semi-circular outdoor auditorium purposely for concerts. The rose Add a missing verb
was now
garden
on right
wing of the Add an article
the right
park
near the
Correct article usage
apply
arnold
avenue changed into a cafe Change the capitalization
Arnold
while
the other on the left side remain
the same. The pond now become a children's play Wrong verb form
remained
area
and the glasshouse is no longer in the park
. Instead
, the water feature newly
built Add a missing verb
was newly
at
the same Change preposition
in
area
with
the entrance that Change preposition
as
connect
the underground car Change the verb form
connects
park
nearby.Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to segment your observations more clearly into paragraphs. It's important to dedicate a separate paragraph for changes before and after. This will greatly enhance the overall readability and logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to check for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, phrases like 'first opened in 1920' should be 'first opened in 1920' and 'the fountain now replaced with a square shape rose garden' should be 'the fountain has been replaced with a square-shaped rose garden'. This will improve the clarity and accuracy of your writing.
task achievement
Provide more specific details where possible, such as mentioning the exact placement of new features or explicitly comparing the positions of the old and new structures. This will strengthen your task response.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction provides a clear overview of the changes in the park, setting a good context for the entire essay.
supported main points
You made accurate and relevant observations regarding the major transformations within the park, such as the replacement of the fountain and the construction of an outdoor auditorium.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.