The plan below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

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The given diagram illustrates the development of
public
Correct article usage
a public
show examples
park
Use synonyms
known as Grange
Use synonyms
park
Capitalize word
Park
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between its first
opened
Replace the word
opening
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in 1920 and nowadays.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that the
park
Use synonyms
went through both major and minor constructions, destructions, and renovation inside the
park
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as
Use synonyms
area
Correct article usage
the area
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for
musical
Add an article
the musical
show examples
stage and aesthetic scenery.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that the changes in
recent
Add an article
the recent
show examples
plan
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
to
aiming
Wrong verb form
be aimed
show examples
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
larger
Add an article
a larger
the larger
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number of tourists.
To begin
Linking Words
with, the
park
Use synonyms
is located between two main
street
Change to a plural noun
streets
show examples
called Arnold
avenue
Capitalize word
Avenue
show examples
and Eldon
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
main
entrance
Fix the agreement mistake
entrances
show examples
are situated
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the top and bottom of the map, respectively. In 1920, the fountain at the center of the
park
Use synonyms
with
seated
Correct article usage
a seated
show examples
area
Use synonyms
distributed
Add a missing verb
was distributed
show examples
around the corner of the
area
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
the west side, there was a stage for musicians to perform their show surrounded
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
rose
garden
Use synonyms
at both
corner
Change to a plural noun
corners
show examples
of the map. Another rose
garden
Use synonyms
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
show examples
the pond on the upper right corner of the map. Opposite the pond, there was a glasshouse
lied
Replace the word
lying
show examples
along
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Eldon
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
next to the main entrance. In regards
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
, today's blueprint, the fountain
now
Add a missing verb
is now
show examples
replaced with a
square shape
Correct your spelling
square-shaped
show examples
rose
garden
Use synonyms
with
a benches
Correct the article-noun agreement
a bench
benches
show examples
at each
sides
Change to a singular noun
side
show examples
. The Stage
now
Add a missing verb
was now
show examples
removed and turned into a semi-circular outdoor auditorium purposely for concerts. The rose
garden
Use synonyms
on
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
wing of the
park
Use synonyms
near
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
arnold
Change the capitalization
Arnold
show examples
avenue changed into a cafe
while
Linking Words
the other on the left side
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
the same. The pond now become a children's play
area
Use synonyms
and the glasshouse is no longer in the
park
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
, the water feature
newly
Add a missing verb
was newly
show examples
built
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the same
area
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
the entrance that
connect
Change the verb form
connects
show examples
the underground car
park
Use synonyms
nearby.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to segment your observations more clearly into paragraphs. It's important to dedicate a separate paragraph for changes before and after. This will greatly enhance the overall readability and logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to check for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, phrases like 'first opened in 1920' should be 'first opened in 1920' and 'the fountain now replaced with a square shape rose garden' should be 'the fountain has been replaced with a square-shaped rose garden'. This will improve the clarity and accuracy of your writing.
task achievement
Provide more specific details where possible, such as mentioning the exact placement of new features or explicitly comparing the positions of the old and new structures. This will strengthen your task response.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction provides a clear overview of the changes in the park, setting a good context for the entire essay.
supported main points
You made accurate and relevant observations regarding the major transformations within the park, such as the replacement of the fountain and the construction of an outdoor auditorium.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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