in many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Discuss the causes and suggest solutions for the problem

#countries #children

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this

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day and age, the young tend to be obese and have many diseases. Numerous studies suggest that

this

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trend is mainly because of lifestyle.

Nevertheless

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, several solutions should be taken into consideration to change these oppositional attitudes. Behavior is a primary reason why illness and overweight are serious problems for

kids

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. First of all, as we can see, the more modern the world is, the more convenient life is and fast

food

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has become the most popular global

food

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due to

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its cheap price and convenience. It is

also

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a favourite

food

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with youngsters but its disadvantage is it causes fat and has no nutrition for

kids

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For example

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, in a recent survey, researchers found that present teenagers are fatter than in the past when fast

food

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had not yet been created.

Furthermore

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, a sedentary lifestyle is a major factor in health issues . Children who are addicted to staying at home and watching television all the time

instead

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of playing outdoor games

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apply

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are prone to health issues. If they do not do any exercises for a long time, they will be lazy and not have any motivation to do other activities. It is not good for their mind and body.

As a result

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, a bad eating habit is a harmful factor for the children's growth.

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, measures must be taken by the government and parents to solve

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problem for

kids

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Firstly

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, some policies should be offered by the government to encourage people to consume healthy and full of nutritious

food

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instead

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of fast

snack

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snacks

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Moreover

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, authorities should encourage youngsters to take regular exercise by providing facilities in each community.

Secondly

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, parents ought to guide the

kids

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on how to keep their bodies healthy, eating healthy

food

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at regular times of the day and adopting a fitness regime to protect themselves from harmful factors outside. In conclusion, only by addressing the bad lifestyles will the negative of children be changed.

Submitted by lyhuongclc on Tue Jul 02 2024

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task achievement

The essay slightly lacks clarity in some points, particularly in the explanation of the reasons behind children's unhealthy behavior and the corresponding solutions. Make sure to clearly articulate how each solution addresses a specific problem to improve the clarity of comprehensive ideas.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a smooth flow of ideas by using more linking words and phrases to aid the transition between paragraphs and sections. This will help enhance the logical structuring, leading to stronger coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

The essay successfully identifies key reasons why children are becoming overweight and unhealthy, and provides relevant examples and solutions.

coherence cohesion

Both the introduction and conclusion are present and adequately summarize the main ideas of the essay.

coherence cohesion

There are clear, supported main points that contribute effectively to the overall argument. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect of the problem or solution, which strengthens the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

323 words

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in many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Discuss the causes and suggest solutions for the problem

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that when designing a building, the most important thing to be considered is the function rather than the appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more people are shifting to a plant-based diet. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Due to low-cost flights, many people are choosing to holiday abroad rather than have holidays in their own country. What are the advantages and disadvantages to this?

in some countries , owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negetive situation