The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?
In
this
era, technology
enhancement has been quickly growing, an action which has a pivotal impact on human Replace the word
technological
lives
. There is a perspective which proposes that scientific achievements ought to be directly exploited for people
's progress, the
perspective that I fiercely agree with. Correct article usage
a
This
argument will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
If the advancement of technology
is not in line with improvement
of Add an article
the improvement
people
's lives
, it will bear detrimental consequences for humanity. Throughout history, there have been some adverse exploitations of science
; the growth of military industries is one of the most serious instances which can be pointed out. Especially, modern wars such
as nuclear ones, a disadvantageous technology
which has been formed through knowledge improvement, count as a lethal threat to the human race. Therefore
, some rules should be codified to prevent such
abusive actions from technology
development.
Utilization of science
accomplishments should bolster points that are beneficial for people
. Numerous projects have been carried out in diverse fields such
as medicine, transportation, space and long-distance communication, all of which should be vastly improved by such
enhancement. To illustrate, modern types of equipment and pharmacies should be developed to ease procedures of ailments diagnosis and their therapeutic methods; taking this
action will assist the medicine section to save individuals' lives
, particularly at their young ages. Furthermore
, science
enhancement should serve people
in developing some ways to provide adequate food supply all around the world without considering their socioeconomic status, the movement which will improve people
's lives
qualities.
In conclusion, considering progressive
effects of Correct article usage
the progressive
science
on humans is an
substantial issue; the point of view which I agree with. Change the article
a
Technology
not only ought to be used along with
people
's progress in various fields,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
should not be utilized in the issues which bear mortal outcomes for human beings.Submitted by shaghayegh95shadman on
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task
While your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task and addresses the topic effectively, there are a few areas which can be improved to further enhance your score. Firstly, a little more elaboration on specific examples would strengthen your arguments. Try to give more detailed concrete examples in addition to general statements.
cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one point to the next. Although your paragraphs are well-organized, a clearer transition between points can make the essay more cohesive. Consider adding phrases like 'Moreover', 'Additionally', or 'On the other hand' where appropriate.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This aids the reader’s comprehension and follows the standard academic essay format well.
task
You have done a great job presenting a clear stance on the issue and backing it up with relevant arguments. It's evident you understand the topic and have shared thoughtful insights.
points
The main points are well-developed and supported with reasons. There’s a logical flow to your arguments which makes the essay easy to follow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite