IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

#aim #science #people #lives
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In
this
Linking Words
 era,
Use synonyms
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 enhancement has been quickly growing, an action which has a pivotal impact on human
lives
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. There is a perspective which proposes that scientific achievements ought to be directly exploited for
people
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's progress,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 perspective that I fiercely agree with.
This
Linking Words
 argument will be discussed in the following paragraphs. If the advancement of
technology
Use synonyms
 is not in line with
improvement
Add an article
the improvement
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 of
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Use synonyms
, it will bear detrimental consequences for humanity. Throughout history, there have been some adverse exploitations of
science
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; the growth of military industries is one of the most serious instances which can be pointed out. Especially, modern wars
such
Linking Words
 as nuclear ones, a disadvantageous
technology
Use synonyms
 which has been formed through knowledge improvement, count as a lethal threat to the human race.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some rules should be codified to prevent
such
Linking Words
 abusive actions from
technology
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 development. Utilization of
science
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 accomplishments should bolster points that are beneficial for
people
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. Numerous projects have been carried out in diverse fields
such
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 as medicine, transportation, space and long-distance communication, all of which should be vastly improved by
such
Linking Words
 enhancement. To illustrate, modern types of equipment and pharmacies should be developed to ease procedures of ailments diagnosis and their therapeutic methods; taking
this
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 action will assist the medicine section to save individuals'
lives
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, particularly at their young ages.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
science
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 enhancement should serve
people
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 in developing some ways to provide adequate food supply all around the world without considering their socioeconomic status, the movement which will improve
people
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's
lives
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 qualities. In conclusion, considering
progressive
Correct article usage
the progressive
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 effects of
science
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 on humans is
an
Change the article
a
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 substantial issue; the point of view which I agree with.
Technology
Use synonyms
 not only ought to be used
along with
Linking Words
people
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's progress in various fields
,
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apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 should not be utilized in the issues which bear mortal outcomes for human beings.
Submitted by shaghayegh95shadman on

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task
While your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task and addresses the topic effectively, there are a few areas which can be improved to further enhance your score. Firstly, a little more elaboration on specific examples would strengthen your arguments. Try to give more detailed concrete examples in addition to general statements.
cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one point to the next. Although your paragraphs are well-organized, a clearer transition between points can make the essay more cohesive. Consider adding phrases like 'Moreover', 'Additionally', or 'On the other hand' where appropriate.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This aids the reader’s comprehension and follows the standard academic essay format well.
task
You have done a great job presenting a clear stance on the issue and backing it up with relevant arguments. It's evident you understand the topic and have shared thoughtful insights.
points
The main points are well-developed and supported with reasons. There’s a logical flow to your arguments which makes the essay easy to follow.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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