IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write about the following topic: Many manufactured food and drinkproducts contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#topic #food #drinkproducts #levels #sugar #health #products #people
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Dear Andrew, I would like to apply for three days of personal leave
due to
Linking Words
 a family emergency that happened over the weekend. I understand the importance of being transparent, so I am happy to explain the situation
further
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. As you know, my brother and I went hiking on the weekend, where he fell down from a cliff, damaging his right foot. We had to call for help and were taken to the nearest hospital for an X-ray and
further
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 examination. It turned out his leg
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 broken, so I would need some time to stay home to cater to him. It would be highly appreciated if you could please let me take some time off
this
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 week. As mentioned above, I think three days would be sufficient enough for me to take care of my brother. Please let me know if
this
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 is
achiavable
Correct your spelling
achievable
. I am happy to take
this
Linking Words
 time unpaid if needed. Thank you for your understanding! Kind regards, Ekaterina
Submitted by dulskywork on

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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, consider using distinct paragraphs for each main idea. This can provide a clearer flow to your argumentation.
task achievement
Try to ensure all parts of your response are developed adequately, and elaborate on points like why increasing the cost of sugary products will effectively curb consumption.
task achievement
Proofread to eliminate minor errors such as 'achiavable' instead of 'achievable,' which can slightly affect the clarity of your essay.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task, outlining the problem of sugary products causing health issues and proposing a possible solution.
task achievement
The essay uses specific examples, such as mentioning the broken leg and three days of leave, which add depth to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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