By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. Therefore life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is believed that society is
also
guilty of
commiiting
Correct your spelling
committing
murder by punishing murderers with the
death
penalty
. For that
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
it would be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
better if murderers
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
senetenced
Correct your spelling
sentenced
to prison for their whole
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. I do not agree with the statement and I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aspects in the upcoming essay.
To begin
with, if a convict is sentenced to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
death
penalty
not only a certain cost is involved
to arrange
Change preposition
in arranging
show examples
the punishment, but
also
a number of rules, regulations and protocols are required to be abide by the official who will be arranging the whole procedure.
For instance
, there are a number of different rules which are applied when a
death
penalty
is announced, these procedures end up taking up a lot of time and resources,
due
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
that reason a life sentence is more beneficial.
On the other hand
,
life
Add an article
a life
show examples
sentence may not be a enough punishment for some convicts who did more harm to their victims intentionally with no objective. In
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
death
penalty
is the best available option as it
also
encourages a sense of fear among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals. A study conducted by the
prestigous
Correct your spelling
prestigious
institute
Capitalize word
Institute
show examples
of
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
summarised a report that after the introduction of
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
penalty
Add a comma
penalty,
show examples
many convicts who were serving their term in jail improved their
behvaiour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
.
To conclude
, the
serverity
Correct your spelling
severity
of punishment has to be decided
in contrast
to the crime committed,
therefore
I do not agree with the statement.
Submitted by patelvaibhav1463 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure in your essay, but there is room for improvement in terms of logical flow and coherence. The arguments should follow a more cohesive progression. Transition phrases between points can be more polished.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, and they do serve their purpose. However, the introduction can be more engaging, and the conclusion can more powerfully summarize the points discussed.
task achievement
While you have addressed both sides of the argument, the points made need further development and more specific examples to effectively support your views.
task achievement
Some ideas are clear, but at times they lack depth. Provide more detailed explanations to make your arguments more comprehensive.
task achievement
Try to include more relevant and varied examples to strengthen your arguments. Avoid generic statements and focus on specific details.
task achievement
You have correctly identified and addressed both aspects of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, and paragraphs are logically ordered.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively states your position and summarizes the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • capital punishment
  • irreversible
  • deterrence
  • rehabilitation
  • human rights
  • ethical dilemma
  • state-sponsored
  • vindicate
  • incarceration
  • due process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: