IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to the cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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The occurrence of urbanization has
impacts
Wrong verb form
impacted
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on
Change preposition
apply
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the population in the countryside which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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mostly decided to move to the
cities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 development has both negative and positive effects on society.
However
Linking Words
, though urbanization has some disadvantages, it is strongly believed that its benefits outweigh the drawbacks. It is true that life in the
city
Use synonyms
 has a high cost of living and there are several
on-going
Correct your spelling
ongoing
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 issues in the
cities
Use synonyms
. For the cost of living, food and housing are more expensive than in the rural
area
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.
This
Linking Words
 can be compared to the price of similar food in
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
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 and the outskirts
area
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,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 the price of watermelon outside the
city
Use synonyms
area
Use synonyms
 certainly
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 lower prices compared to the countryside.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the problems occurring in the
cities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traffic congestion are faced by the
people
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 living in the
cities
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 which could be considered as
one
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 of the drawbacks of living in the
cities
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the advantages of living in the
cities
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 should not be put down by any chance.
City
Use synonyms
 life offers many benefits
such
Linking Words
 as job
opportunities
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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convenience in transportation and better medical services. For job
opportunities
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,
people
Use synonyms
 could find more
opportunities
Use synonyms
 in searching for jobs with high salaries which could improve their standard of living. It can be clearly seen that there are a plethora of leading businesses located in the urban
area
Use synonyms
 which means
people
Use synonyms
 living in the
city
Use synonyms
 could seek better job
opportunities
Use synonyms
 than living in the countryside. To be more specific,
people
Use synonyms
 in the legal fields tend to move to the middle of the
city
Use synonyms
 to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jobs at the leading firms.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are better
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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 and medical services located in the
city
Use synonyms
, meaning that
people
Use synonyms
 can live their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 more convenient than living in the outskirts
area
Use synonyms
.
City
Use synonyms
 transportation includes various types of vehicles that can only be seen in the
city
Use synonyms
area
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, sky train, hi-speed train and
electric-bus
Correct your spelling
electric bus
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. Apart from the transportation, the medical services in the
city
Use synonyms
 are
one
Use synonyms
 of
reasons
Add an article
the reasons
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 for
people
Use synonyms
 to relocate themselves to the
city
Use synonyms
. To demonstrate, there are plenty of advanced medical technology which could provide better treatment for the patient in a severe state.
For instance
Linking Words
, Chemotherapy is
one
Use synonyms
 of the advanced technologies for demolishing malignant cancer.
This
Linking Words
 technology could be
one
Use synonyms
 of the ways for
people
Use synonyms
 to live longer. In conclusion, even though living in the
city
Use synonyms
 has some disadvantages, it is evident that there are several advantages, causing
people
Use synonyms
 to relocate themselves to the
city
Use synonyms
area
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 development provides positive development for
people
Use synonyms
 in the
city
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear argument, it would benefit from more specific examples and relevant data to support the points made. More precise comparisons could enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
There should be smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. At times, the flow of the essay is slightly disrupted. Improving the use of linking words and phrases can help maintain the reader's engagement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting the argument in a structured manner.
task achievement
The author provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of urbanization, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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