In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to the cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
The occurrence of urbanization has
impacts
Wrong verb form
impacted
on
the population in the countryside which Change preposition
apply
are
mostly decided to move to the Unnecessary verb
apply
cities
. This
development has both negative and positive effects on society. However
, though urbanization has some disadvantages, it is strongly believed that its benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
It is true that life in the city
has a high cost of living and there are several on-going
issues in the Correct your spelling
ongoing
cities
. For the cost of living, food and housing are more expensive than in the rural area
. This
can be compared to the price of similar food in suburbs
and the outskirts Correct article usage
the suburbs
area
, for
instance
the price of watermelon outside the Add a comma
instance,
city
area
certainly have
lower prices compared to the countryside. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
Moreover
, the problems occurring in the cities
such
as the
traffic congestion are faced by the Correct article usage
apply
people
living in the cities
which could be considered as one
of the drawbacks of living in the cities
. Nevertheless
, the advantages of living in the cities
should not be put down by any chance.
City
life offers many benefits such
as job opportunities
and
convenience in transportation and better medical services. For job Correct word choice
apply
opportunities
, people
could find more opportunities
in searching for jobs with high salaries which could improve their standard of living. It can be clearly seen that there are a plethora of leading businesses located in the urban area
which means people
living in the city
could seek better job opportunities
than living in the countryside. To be more specific, people
in the legal fields tend to move to the middle of the city
to get the
jobs at the leading firms.
Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, there are better transportations
and medical services located in the Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
city
, meaning that people
can live their life
more convenient than living in the outskirts Fix the agreement mistake
lives
area
. City
transportation includes various types of vehicles that can only be seen in the city
area
, for example
, sky train, hi-speed train and electric-bus
. Apart from the transportation, the medical services in the Correct your spelling
electric bus
city
are one
of reasons
for Add an article
the reasons
people
to relocate themselves to the city
. To demonstrate, there are plenty of advanced medical technology which could provide better treatment for the patient in a severe state. For instance
, Chemotherapy is one
of the advanced technologies for demolishing malignant cancer. This
technology could be one
of the ways for people
to live longer.
In conclusion, even though living in the city
has some disadvantages, it is evident that there are several advantages, causing people
to relocate themselves to the city
area
. This
development provides positive development for people
in the city
.Submitted by pattaraporn.konj on
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear argument, it would benefit from more specific examples and relevant data to support the points made. More precise comparisons could enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
There should be smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. At times, the flow of the essay is slightly disrupted. Improving the use of linking words and phrases can help maintain the reader's engagement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting the argument in a structured manner.
task achievement
The author provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of urbanization, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
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