In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to the cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

The occurrence of urbanization has
impacts
Wrong verb form
impacted
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on
Change preposition
apply
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the population in the countryside which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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mostly decided to move to the
cities
.
This
development has both negative and positive effects on society.
However
, though urbanization has some disadvantages, it is strongly believed that its benefits outweigh the drawbacks. It is true that life in the
city
has a high cost of living and there are several
on-going
Correct your spelling
ongoing
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issues in the
cities
. For the cost of living, food and housing are more expensive than in the rural
area
.
This
can be compared to the price of similar food in
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
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and the outskirts
area
,
for
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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the price of watermelon outside the
city
area
certainly
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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lower prices compared to the countryside.
Moreover
, the problems occurring in the
cities
such
as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic congestion are faced by the
people
living in the
cities
which could be considered as
one
of the drawbacks of living in the
cities
.
Nevertheless
, the advantages of living in the
cities
should not be put down by any chance.
City
life offers many benefits
such
as job
opportunities
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
convenience in transportation and better medical services. For job
opportunities
,
people
could find more
opportunities
in searching for jobs with high salaries which could improve their standard of living. It can be clearly seen that there are a plethora of leading businesses located in the urban
area
which means
people
living in the
city
could seek better job
opportunities
than living in the countryside. To be more specific,
people
in the legal fields tend to move to the middle of the
city
to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jobs at the leading firms.
Furthermore
, there are better
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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and medical services located in the
city
, meaning that
people
can live their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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more convenient than living in the outskirts
area
.
City
transportation includes various types of vehicles that can only be seen in the
city
area
,
for example
, sky train, hi-speed train and
electric-bus
Correct your spelling
electric bus
show examples
. Apart from the transportation, the medical services in the
city
are
one
of
reasons
Add an article
the reasons
show examples
for
people
to relocate themselves to the
city
. To demonstrate, there are plenty of advanced medical technology which could provide better treatment for the patient in a severe state.
For instance
, Chemotherapy is
one
of the advanced technologies for demolishing malignant cancer.
This
technology could be
one
of the ways for
people
to live longer. In conclusion, even though living in the
city
has some disadvantages, it is evident that there are several advantages, causing
people
to relocate themselves to the
city
area
.
This
development provides positive development for
people
in the
city
.
Submitted by pattaraporn.konj on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear argument, it would benefit from more specific examples and relevant data to support the points made. More precise comparisons could enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
There should be smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. At times, the flow of the essay is slightly disrupted. Improving the use of linking words and phrases can help maintain the reader's engagement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting the argument in a structured manner.
task achievement
The author provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of urbanization, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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