Some peole believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#peole #culture #tourism #revenue

These days,

tourism

industries indeed play a crucial role in society.

However

, some believe that

culture

will be ruined when

nations

gain revenue from

tourism

while

others say that

tourism

is the only strategy to protect our

culture

This

essay will discuss both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand,

tourism

can affect

culture

because people from other countries, do not have any interest

to follow

Change preposition

in following

show examples

the

culture

nations

Correct article usage

the nations

show examples

where

visited

Wrong verb form

visit

show examples

This

is, the government only focuses

Change preposition

show examples

tourism

in order to

earning

Change the verb

earn

show examples

a lot of money

bitut

Correct your spelling

but

foreigners always collapse and ruin our orthodox

culture

Replace the word

cultural

show examples

values.

For example

, India is a temple country

among

Change preposition

show examples

the world,

plenty

Change preposition

with plenty

show examples

of Hindu temples over there and Indians only wear traditional dresses when they go to temples for worship but foreigners do not follow any

culture

Replace the word

cultural

show examples

values, they wear modern dresses and shoes inside the temple,

consequently

, it ruins people's cultural and values what they follow from their ancestor periods.

Hence

tourism

should affect

culture

In contrast

, protecting our

culture

without ruining and eliminating

tourism

is the only way on the grounds tourists can spread one territory's

culture

to other

nations

This

is,

many

Rephrase

why many

show examples

travellers visit other

nations

while

Correct word choice

because

show examples

they like to follow their

culture

in order to know about the particular nation's history.

For instance

, these days, numerous YouTubers visit

Change preposition

apply

show examples

other

nations

and follow their rituals and

cultural

Replace the word

culture

show examples

then

they post videos

Change preposition

show examples

YouTube, especially, the African continent; wearing

leaf-baed on

Add a hyphen

leaf-baed-on

show examples

dresses

along with

welcome rituals

also

tourism

only

protect

Correct subject-verb agreement

protects

show examples

and

spread

Correct subject-verb agreement

spreads

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

around the world.

Then

tourism

is the only path to protect

culture

. In conclusion,

culture

is of utmost importance in every nation.

Although

culture

will be destroyed by earning income from

tourism

because all people do not have

interest

Correct article usage

an interest

show examples

to follow

Change preposition

in following

show examples

other

countrie's

Change noun form

countries'

show examples

culture

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

, travellers can spread one country's

culture

Change preposition

apply

show examples

around the world through visiting and following.

Therefore

, in my opinion, about

this

tourism

is the only path to protect cultures.

Submitted by reanudeepan on Wed Jul 03 2024

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task achievement

Some areas of the essay show redundancy, such as repetitive phrases in the introduction and conclusion. Consider revising these parts for more concise expressions.

task achievement

Some grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb tenses and article use, detract from the overall clarity of the essay. Proofreading and practicing grammar exercises can help.

coherence cohesion

Try to improve transitions between ideas. While there are logical connections, smoother transitions would enhance the flow.

task achievement

The introduction clearly outlines the two opposing viewpoints and presents the writer's opinion effectively.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's opinions.

task achievement

The use of specific examples, like the one about India and temples, helps to illustrate the viewpoints and provides tangible context.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

335 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

ruin
preserve
promote
financial support
exploitation
commodification
authenticity
balance
crucial

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Some peole believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem ?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, there is a greater focus at all levels in education on science and business studies rather that the arts. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?