More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some argue that making it expensive to buy fattening

foods

Use synonyms

for

people

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can reduce the level of

obesity

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

increasing the price of high-calorie

foods

Use synonyms

seems to have a positive impact on reducing the level of

obesity

Use synonyms

, I totally disagree with the statement because rich

people

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still can afford it and

this

Linking Words

method may not be the best as there are some better alternatives. The idea of raising the cost of high-calorie

foods

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can be unacceptable in some respects. First and foremost, it can be too expensive for only the poor.

This

Linking Words

implies that if the costs were too high, most poor

people

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would reject buying and prefer buying cheaper and healthier

foods

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that calories are not rich in,

whereas

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the rich still can buy junk

foods

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and become obese. More precisely, many overweight

people

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are rich; so raising the price may not be significant for them as they can purchase even at a high cost.

As a result

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this

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idea may not be a solution to

this

Linking Words

problem.

Secondly

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, there are a lot of solutions that are more useful to reduce the rate of

obesity

Use synonyms

, one of them being improvements in regulation.

In other words

Linking Words

, governments can tackle

this

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issue by boosting the taxes for the cafes or restaurants where calorie-dense

foods

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are sold. An increase in taxes can encourage the owners of cafes or restaurants not to sell calorie-dense

foods

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because they may not want to break even or go bankrupt.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it can have a positive impact on

governments’

Correct your spelling

government’s

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income from taxes.

As a consequence

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, the rate of selling fattening

foods

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can be diminished

as well as

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the level of

obesity

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. All things considered,

although

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raising the price of high-calorie

foods

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may help reduce

obesity

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levels, I strongly disagree with

this

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approach because wealthy individuals can still afford these

foods

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, and there are more effective alternatives available to solve the problem.

minimix1203Wed Jul 03 2024

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task achievement

To improve the essay, ensure you consistently provide relevant examples to support your points. While the essay touches on significant ideas, it could benefit from more concrete examples or statistical evidence to strengthen the arguments.

coherence cohesion

Although the logical flow of ideas is good, consider varying your sentence structures and avoiding repetition of phrases to enhance readability and engagement.

task achievement

The essay provides a well-rounded argument, acknowledging both sides of the issue while providing clear reasoning for the stance taken.

coherence cohesion

Logical organization of ideas helps in guiding the reader through the arguments smoothly, demonstrating a strong understanding of essay structure.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are effectively used to frame the discussion, creating a cohesive and well-rounded response to the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

314 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
overweight
fattening foods
calorie-dense
healthier food choices
taxation
economic implications
social implications
subsidies
nutritional education
public health campaigns
nanny state
individual's right
consumer behavior
preventative measures

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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by other in the same age. This is called peer pressure. Do the disadvantages outweighed the advantages?

Being a celebrity- such as famous film star or sports personality – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?

Many people these days have computer, laptops, telephones at their homes for work. Do you thibk, working from home has more advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons

With The Increasing Use And Development Of New Technology, Many Machine Are New Able To Do The Work Which People Used To Perform. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?