IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that sport has significant impact on the society, others think that sport is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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When speaking about
sports
Use synonyms
, some
people
Use synonyms
 see it as
intertainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
,
while
Linking Words
 others think that has a big impact on
people
Use synonyms
's life and believe it needs to be done regularly. In the following paragraphs,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss my personal opinion on both views. Many
people
Use synonyms
 strongly believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 should be part of the routine.
For example
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,
conducing
Correct your spelling
conducting
show examples
 a
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 lifestyle and doing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 regularly, helps
people
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 to prevent many problems,
such
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 as cardiovascular
deseased
Correct your spelling
disease
 and obesity.
A regular
Remove the article
Regular
show examples
 physical activity
also
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 helps to reduce stress.
Moreover
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,
sports
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 help many children to become part of a group and
promotes
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promote
show examples
 a sense of connection between them.
Furthermore
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, it has a big role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their education.
For example
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,
sports
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group
Change the noun form
groups
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 like football or volleyball teach them how to collaborate. It helps
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
 to nurture a sense of leadership and determination.
On the other hand
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, some
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 think that prioritizing sport can be
derimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 for a nation. Some of them think that governments should spend more money on other pressing areas, like arts or education.
However
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, investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 is extremely important for a country
cause
Correct word choice
because
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 it motivates
people
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 to be less lethargic and
healtier
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healthier
 and
consequently
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 affects healthcare services. In
addiction
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addition
show examples
, investing in
sposrts
Correct your spelling
sports
,
such
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 as football, helps the country's economy.
For example
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, European football brings many tourists and helps to promote brands all over the world. in conclusion,
i
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I
show examples
thinks
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think
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sports
Use synonyms
 are both leisure and an important part of
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 everyone should be aware
on
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of
show examples
 how much it affects our bodies and our minds.
Moreover
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, watching
sports
Use synonyms
 on television
also
Linking Words
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 our free time and help us connect with other
people
Use synonyms
.

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coherence
Your essay offers a balanced discussion on both views concerning the significance of sports, but there is room for improvement in terms of coherence. Improving the organization of your ideas will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay to catch and correct spelling and grammatical errors. This will enhance readability and ensure clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you make your introduction and conclusion slightly more comprehensive. This will offer a better framework for your arguments and summarize the key points effectively.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the impact of football on children's education, and how sports influence a country's economy. These make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
You have clearly understood the task and addressed both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence
Your points are relevant and add value to your arguments about the importance of sport on both individual and societal levels.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fosters
  • national pride
  • integration
  • mutual respect
  • advocate for equality
  • influencing societal attitudes
  • leisure activity
  • physical and mental health benefits
  • commercialization
  • catalyst for unity
  • societal impact
  • multifaceted role
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