IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people assert that it is good for college students to have part-time jobs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people assert that working as a
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 is not essential for college
students
Use synonyms
. At the same
time
Use synonyms
, there are a significant number of people who highlight the importance of
students
Use synonyms
’ working
experiences
Use synonyms
. I firmly believe that
students
Use synonyms
 can get vital life lessons through working
experiences
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
time
Use synonyms
 management skills and
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 sense of responsibility for their expenses.
Firstly
Linking Words
, young adults can require
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 ability
for managing
Change preposition
to manage
show examples
 their
time
Use synonyms
 properly.
Students
Use synonyms
 who have to work need to make their daily or even weekly plans because they are responsible for both studying and working at the same
time
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, they have a lack of
time
Use synonyms
 when they can totally
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
focus
soley
Correct your spelling
solely
 on doing academic activities like assignments and the preparation for exams compared to those who are not employees.
This
Linking Words
 situation leads
students
Use synonyms
 to plan their schedules efficiently to use their
time
Use synonyms
 to not waste their
time
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is apparent that the opportunity to work gives
students
Use synonyms
 to take control of their
time
Use synonyms
 effectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, working
experiences
Use synonyms
 contribute college
students
Use synonyms
 to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great consumption habits
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a young age. They are able to realize the hardness of working and earning money, which could be connected to form wise expense habits.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is possible for them to record their every
expenses
Change to a singular noun
expense
show examples
 and figure out their financial condition, thereby adjusting
consuming
Replace the word
the consumption
show examples
 money of the month.
Also
Linking Words
, they can make a bank account to save the money. These examples show that
students
Use synonyms
 are able to raise good consuming
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 thanks to
experiences
Use synonyms
 of being workers.
To sum up
Linking Words
, having part-
time
Use synonyms
 jobs is significantly important for
students
Use synonyms
, even though it would be hard and burdensome for them.
Students
Use synonyms
 can make the most of
this
Linking Words
 experience, grow
further
Linking Words
 and acquire useful
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
skills, provided that they don’t overwork.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

complete response
Ensure that arguments are fully developed with more specific examples or case studies to support your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive for clearer, more comprehensive ideas in each paragraph. Ensure each point is elaborated sufficiently.
relevant specific examples
Use more relevant and specific examples that illustrate the main points clearly to make your argument more compelling.
logical structure
Improve logical structure by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly. This will enhance the overall flow of your essay.
supported main points
Focus on structuring main points more cohesively. Ensure each paragraph contributes to the overall argument effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for your argument.
complete response
The arguments presented are relevant to the topic and show a good level of understanding.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • time management
  • practical experience
  • competitive edge
  • responsibility
  • financial independence
  • budgeting
  • academic performance
  • relevance
  • professional network
  • burnout
  • balance
  • accountability
  • maturity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: