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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people from poor and rural background from it difficult to get a university education.Universities have to make it easier especially for such groups to get into them.To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #background #university #education #universities #groups
Inside most of the world countries
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher education doesn'
t
 come cheap.Various prices,rankings and
competetivness
Correct your spelling
competitiveness
 of
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 Universities
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 it
difficulte
Correct your spelling
difficult
 for
people
 from lower financial levels to get into one.
Current
Add an article
The current
show examples
 situation doesn'
t
 look good in my idea and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 support the idea of
less
Correct article usage
a less
show examples
 tense
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 so
people
 can get into universities more easily
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
thus
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss my reasons. At basic levels of
education
Add a comma
education,
show examples
 we will get
people
 who will be good manpower on less complicated tasks.But for jobs which
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 a much better understanding we require highly educated
people
.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 there are many
people
 who find and fix car
engines problem
Fix the agreement mistake
engine problems
show examples
 but not everybody can design and manufacture one.
Universities
Change noun form
Universities'
University's
show examples
 role becomes bold as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
facilities which provide
this
 kind of science for humanity.So we need as
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 as
people
 to get inside of university to reach that goal,which isn'
t
 possible
due to
 extreme prices.But it's not only about
sheer
Add an article
the sheer
show examples
 amount of
people
 who can'
t
 attend but
also
 wasted talents.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 each
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
 there are
people
 who are
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 talented in specific subjects.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 Enzo Ferarri is one of the most iconic persons in
history
Add an article
the history
show examples
 of car manufacturing and
motor sport
Correct your spelling
motorsport
show examples
.
Due to
 his good
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 he
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
could gather enough knowledge and do what he was very good at doing.Now imagine if he could not afford
such
 things, there would be no Ferarri.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
show examples
 goes
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 topic,because of
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 high amount of money you need to get into a university, even if you have talent without money you can'
t
 get what you want or more importantly what worlds need. As
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 I think it is beneficial to let
people
 get into
univesities
Correct your spelling
universities
 more relaxed.
Cause
Correct word choice
Because
show examples
 if we don'
t
 because of
big
Add an article
the big
a big
show examples
 possible number of
people
 who could attend, we lose huge amount ideas which will never be born.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 great talented
people
 will move on
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 something that they are not good at.
Submitted by am1380ir.ka on

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task achievement
Try to avoid overgeneralizations. Instead of stating "Inside most of the world countries a higher education doesn't come cheap," specify that in many countries higher education can be expensive. This can help make your arguments more precise.
task achievement
Elaborate more on some of your main points. For instance, you mention wasted talents but do not give a specific example or anecdote to deepen that point. Providing more detailed examples can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical errors and incorrect word choices, such as "difficulte" instead of "difficult" and "enviroment" instead of "environment." These small mistakes can affect the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, use more linking words or phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs, making the overall argument more cohesive.
task achievement
The essay correctly highlights the problem of financial barriers in higher education and argues for a more relaxed entry to universities for talented individuals from poor and rural backgrounds.
relevant specific examples
You have effectively used examples, such as Enzo Ferrari, to illustrate your point about wasted potential due to financial limitations.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position, and the conclusion summarizes your main points well.
logical structure
You have clearly outlined your arguments and discussed them in separate paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow your logic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social mobility
  • Underprivileged
  • Equal opportunities
  • Diversity
  • Financial constraints
  • Affirmative action
  • Scholarships
  • Grants
  • Admission standards
  • Non-profit organizations
  • Outreach programs
  • Meritocracy
  • Education gap
  • Rural areas
  • University admissions
  • Inclusivity
  • Socioeconomic barriers
  • Educational equity
  • Access to education
  • Disadvantaged
What to do next:
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