IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while others argue that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #animals #research #benefit #beings
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With advanced scientific methods,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
 easy to conduct searches for better outcomes and
animals
 are
also
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
part of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 experiments which is becoming helpful for
human's
Change the noun form
humans
human
show examples
 either for curing purposes or for some other beneficial results.In the following paragraphs am going to discuss both the statements in brief and end up with my opinion regarding
this
 point.
According to
former
Add an article
the former
show examples
 statement,if we search about the latest medicinal benefits and treatment measures for some diseases,it can
be easily find
Change the verb form
be easily found
show examples
 on the internet that
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 experiments related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 test doses
done
Add a missing verb
are done
show examples
 on
animals
 first before apply
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
humans
 and
this
 is because of
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 genetic characters among
humans
 and
animals
such
 as
according to
 scientists rat is
also
 a very useful way to take test doses because some traits of rats are same. as
humans
 which results in
find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
 medicines and treatments for people
sufferring
Correct your spelling
suffering
 from dangerous disorders and
also
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 hope to them to recover from
threatful
Replace the word
threatening
show examples
 diseases.
Along with
this
,
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 60% of medicines
are including
Wrong verb form
include
show examples
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 traits
such
 as fish oil.So, not only plants
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
animals
 are
also
 very useful for medical
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
.
According to
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 statement,no doubt
animals
 are
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 source to obtain beneficial results in
field
Add an article
the field
show examples
 of medicine but there are
also
 some negative aspects which we
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
need to figure out
such
 as many species are becoming rare day by day and many lives of small creatures are ending up with human advancements.Despite
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 searches are
also
 go against
humans
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in all over
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
,a large number of cases conducted by WHO which tells the
world
 that a large percentage of people lose their livelihood because of wrong medication.So,
includinh
Correct your spelling
including
animals
 in
experiment
Correct article usage
the experiment
show examples
 part
also
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 disadvantages
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
both for human lives and
animals
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. In my opinion,there should be limited usage of
animals
 in
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 field and
also
 with intensive care because
this
world
 belongs to everyone who is living
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
world
.
Submitted by arshrandhawa9877 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Pay close attention to sentence structure, grammatical accuracy, and sentence complexity to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea that is fully developed with relevant examples and details.
task achievement
Develop more balanced arguments, thoroughly explaining the viewpoints with specific examples and evidence.
task achievement
Avoid colloquial language and ensure that punctuation is correct, especially with respect to commas and periods.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow of ideas; make sure each point connects to the next seamlessly.
task achievement
Work on reducing grammatical inaccuracies to improve the overall fluency and readability of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the use of animals in medical research, which demonstrates an understanding of the prompt.
task achievement
The writer attempts to provide some examples to support their points, which is a good practice.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the essay structure.
coherence cohesion
The opinion is clearly stated and attempts to find a middle ground, which is a positive aspect.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ethical considerations
  • moral dilemma
  • animal rights
  • alternative methods
  • computer modeling
  • in-vitro testing
  • medical breakthroughs
  • vaccines
  • treatments
  • stringent regulations
  • minimization of suffering
  • humane treatment
  • scientific validity
  • biological similarity
  • applicable results
What to do next:
Look at other essays: