IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Over the last few decades, there has been an increase in international tourism. Some people think that tourism is beneficial for local communities and should be encouraged. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#decades #tourism #people #communities
Over the
last
 few years,there has been an increase in
tourism
. Many think that it could be a strength for local communities. I entirely support
this
 position.
Travelers
Change the spelling
Travellers
show examples
 who visit a new place for a job or for a holiday are most likely to spend a good amount of money in the visited area.
Moreover
, the more a place has to offer, the more money
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 will spend.
In other words
,
tourism
 is a great way to strengthen the local economy. A country with plenty of cities, art galleries or breathtaking beaches usually attracts many visitors. In poorer
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
tourism
 could represent the largest income. A huge number of people could find a job because of increasing
tourism
.
For example
, people are required to
built
Change the verb
build
show examples
 hotels, streets or even bridges. Hotels and restaurants
also
 need
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
staff like chefs and waiters.
Furthermore
, activities like guided tours,
boat
Correct word choice
and boat
show examples
 trips provide jobs to many locals. In conclusion,
tourism
 is a
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 benefit for local communities and their economy.
Submitted by chi63hi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand ideas with more examples and explanation to fully support your points. Add a few more detailed examples to illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the flow and connection between sentences for smoother reading. Using transitional phrases like 'furthermore,' 'additionally,' or 'consequently' can help connect your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Add slight variations to sentence structures to keep the reader engaged and ensure smoother readability.
task achievement
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your support for the given statement.
task achievement
Good use of specific points and examples to support the main ideas, making the essay relevant and focused.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: