IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
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Today, we live in a modern era where some can change a law by their views for a better life. It is thought by some that the best way to decrease
crime
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 is to extend
prison
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sentences
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, whilst others disagree and think that there are better different ways of reducing
crime
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. It might be true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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extended
prison
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sentences
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 can decline
crime
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, but I believe that it is more beneficial if prisoners can gain valuable new skills in
prison
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 which may change their mindset. On the one hand,
it is clear that
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 the longer
prison
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sentences
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 have frightened
for
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apply
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some to lose their freedom.
Moreover
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,
prison
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 conditions are often cruel and
therefore
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 they discourage
the
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apply
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commitment. The prime example is
a
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apply
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violence
that
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which
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 can diminish the chances
to
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of
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rehabilitate
Replace the word
rehabilitation
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, and lack of hygiene which
create
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creates
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 poor conditions for life.
As a result
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, exposure to
prison
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 conditions often
lead
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leads
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 to psychological disorders.
On the other hand
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, many disagree and feel that prisoners can spend their time wisely by learning new skills. In fact, gaining knowledge could change their mental attitude and interconnection with their family. To illustrate, the prisoner spends time sewing, by doing so there is hope for the family that the prisoner would be able to earn money and have a good future.
To conclude
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, the longest
prison
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sentences
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 may drop the
crime
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 by imagining the condition in it,
however
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, the beneficial way which is learning new abilities might be more attractive to most prisoners.
Overall
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, focusing on prisoners’ personal growth would
assure
Verb problem
ensure
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 less
crime
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 in society.
Submitted by dussip.rustem on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views but could improve in fully developing each point. Ensure that each paragraph has clear and detailed examples to support the main ideas, which can help provide a more comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear, but some arguments need clearer connections and transitions. Use linking words and phrases to enhance coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a logical starting point and ending for the discussion.
task achievement
You effectively address both sides of the argument, presenting a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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