Many manufactered food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. SUgar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

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Sugary foods and drinks have become our everyday staples.

People

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are addicted to consuming more

products

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which contain high levels of

sugar

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in their diets.

Therefore

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, there has been a discussion to increase the

price

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of sugary

products

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in order to discourage

people

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from buying those

products

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. Eating food which contains high concentrations of

sugar

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might cause many health problems,

such

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as heart attacks, obesity, and diabetes.

Thus

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, we have to limit our daily

sugar

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intake to the recommended restriction.

However

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this

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is not an easy thing to do because the desire to buy sugary meals and beverages is usually high.

For example

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, if we have to choose to either buy ice cream or vegetables as a treat,

then

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we can confidently say that most

people

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will choose ice cream over vegetables.

Therefore

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there is a need to reinforce the limitation of

sugar

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intake to society by raising the

price

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of sweet

products

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As a result

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people

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will think twice if they are going to buy them

due to

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the

price

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Consequently

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, the daily intake of

sugar

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will dwindle swiftly.

On the other hand

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, some

people

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are against

this

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idea.

For instance

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, the manufacturers do not support

this

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idea because their turnover will decrease if

this

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policy is implemented.

This

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will affect the economic condition of the whole country

further

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. There might be caused by huge layoffs caused by the closings of factories across the country. In my opinion, the idea of increasing the

price

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of sugary

products

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is too much. It is an individual's choice to choose what they are consuming every day. Everyone has a responsibility to their own health and body

thus

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the policy does not really need to be implemented. In conclusion,

although

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there are some benefits like

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

health problems if

this

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proposed action is implemented, the drawbacks that might be caused by

this

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scheme outweigh the benefits. The economic growth might slow down

then

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it will cause another economic crisis.

rianadmajaWed Jul 03 2024

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clear comprehensive ideas

Ensure your ideas are clearly and comprehensively expressed. Some points, particularly in the third paragraph, could be expanded to enhance clarity. For example, you can further detail how lay-offs affect individuals and the broader economy.

logical structure

Work on maintaining a consistent tone and style throughout the essay. Some parts feel conversational while others are more formal. Stick to an academic tone for consistency.

complete response

Your essay provides a clear and complete response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument effectively.

relevant specific examples

Your use of relevant examples, like the choice between ice cream and vegetables, helps to illustrate your points well.

introduction conclusion present

Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps in guiding the reader through your arguments smoothly.

supported main points

Your main points are well-supported with logical reasoning, which strengthens the argument you are making.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

326 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

sugar consumption
health problems
manufactured food and drink products
encourage
expensive
reduce
effectively
discourage
tight budget
purchasing
disproportionately
lower-income individuals
healthier food choices
demand
regardless

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Many manufactered food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. SUgar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Your opinion

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think that this is beneficial for the children of these families while others think children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your own

Organising a large family celebration such as a wedding can often create problems. What can be the problems associated with organising a large family event and what solutions can you suggest?