IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #money #life #planets #waste #earth
Issues related to
national
Correct article usage
the national
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 budget are frequently discussed these days.
Although
 some believe that
governments
 should spend money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 exploring outer space, others criticize
this
 and argue that basic city problems
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 be
main
Add an article
the main
a main
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 priority. In
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs, both sides of
this
 statement will be discussed. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why
governments
 should continue researching and analyzing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other planets. The principal reason is that there are dramatic physical changes on earth leading to the signal of leaving.
In other words
, we
encounter
Wrong verb form
have encountered
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with
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apply
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numerous natural disasters over decades.
For instance
, there
are
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is
show examples
 daily global news
such
 as
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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higher
temperature
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temperatures
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 in every single corner
due to
 the global warming effect, showing little left of world resources,
melting
Correct word choice
and melting
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 Arctic sea ice. So for
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 following samples,
governments
 should prepare
for moving
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to move
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 to another planet
such
 as Mars because of its conditions similar to our Blue
panet
Correct your spelling
planet
 no matter what it costs.
Conversely
, some opponents may argue that it is a waste of time to keep focusing on living things outside
,
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apply
show examples
 since it
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 many troubles inside. To explain, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 news about criminal cases, poverty problems,
poor
Correct word choice
and poor
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 infrastructure in education, transport and communities.
For example
,
instead
 of using expenditure on planet discovery, there are many people
considerably
Correct pronoun usage
who considerably
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 need prosperity
into
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in
show examples
 their
howntown
Correct your spelling
downtown
. A good case in
this
 point is that many cities in Africa are impoverished.
Besides
, in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, there are increases
of
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in
show examples
 criminal
rate
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rates
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due to
 the lack of security
standard
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standards
show examples
. All things considered, I am of the opinion that
governments
 should find
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right balance between these aspects.
Submitted by nyentdn on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both views and outlines the writer’s opinion, it could benefit from further development of examples and deeper analysis. Strengthen your arguments by providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your points.
task achievement
Some points seem underdeveloped or not fully explained. Ensure that each main idea is fully developed with adequate examples, explanations, and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in the structure of your paragraphs – each should ideally contain a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs using a variety of linking words and phrases. This will help in presenting your argument more coherently.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the debate and presents the intention to discuss both views.
introduction conclusion present
There is a clear conclusion that summarizes the writer’s opinion effectively.
supported main points
The essay contains some relevant examples and points for both sides of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented opportunities
  • extraterrestrial
  • satisfy human curiosity
  • practical benefits
  • inspiring goal
  • testament to human ambition
  • pursuit of knowledge
  • critics argue
  • imprudent
  • plague Earth
  • immediate attention
  • allocated for
  • environmental conservation
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • balanced approach
  • advancements
  • benefits for humanity
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