IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

A person's worth nowadays seems to judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned value, such as honour, kindness, and trust no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person #status #possessions #value #honour #kindness #trust
Some
people
 believe that materialistic things and financial status are crucial in society. Some of them argue and suppose every person should be judged by their originality and
values
. In
this
 essay, I will give my opinion and express my perspective. On the one hand, the insertion of materialistic things in judging
people
 has a great impact on constructing principles and
values
.
Furthermore
, inserting
this
 type of judgment on the person can affect their truth and honour.
For instance
, we build our thoughts and
values
 from school and community when
that is
 penetrating can lead to the loss of all that we build and start to care about appearances.
On the other hand
, the existence and building of these thoughts about social status could instil in
people
 lying about their social status to get respect from
people
 which could influence
people
's originality.
Moreover
, a lot of
people
 acquire their respect, kindness and mercy from live experience add to their educational level and has a huge impact on building these sorts of
values
.
For example
, when I was in primary school my friend Diana was from a poor background and because of her honours she was always poured from her bottled water pets and
that is
 what meant to build
values
. In conclusion, we can’t judge on persons by their individual lives. Constructing these
values
 and instilling them inside them will assist the community in taking care of those principles rather than appearance and material things for
people
.
Submitted by rraghad.b on

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement in the introduction clearly states your stance on the issue. The current introduction is slightly vague and does not establish a strong position.
coherence cohesion
Work on logically structuring your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main idea and links smoothly to the next. Use transition words to improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using overly complex sentence structures that might confuse readers. Instead, use clear and concise sentences to convey your ideas.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your argument. Your essay has some examples, but they need to be more specific and directly related to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Revise your conclusion to ensure it effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance clearly. A strong conclusion helps in reinforcing the arguments made throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear attempt to tackle the prompt and present an opinion, which shows control over the subject matter.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which helps in making your arguments more concrete.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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