Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a positive development or a negative one? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples fromyour own knowledge or experience.

The use of gadgets is prohibited in some schools. I believe it is a well-developed position from school authorities
due to
productivity
during classes and the total focus of
students
. To commence, the restriction of devices may lead to the upgrade of
productivity
among
students
.
That is
to say, since there are no phones or any other gadgets, it is likely to seem that
students
might get engaged more than they used to.
This
is
due to
the fact that they would have got involved in teacher-led lessons enthusiastically and enhanced their cognitive abilities. To illustrate, in Kazakhstan, there are specialized schools for gifted juveniles in which vice principals established a rule of not using a phone during classes.
This
was
due to
low
productivity
of
students
and failure in exams;
as a result
of excessive utilisation of gadgets, and playing video games.
Finally
, after a
while
of time, heads estimated the proficiency of
students
, attending classes resulting in the enhancement of
curriculum
Correct article usage
the curriculum
show examples
and maturity of
students
.
That is
why I think, it can promote only positive outcomes rather than negative as I can not see any drawback of
this
new rule at schools.
Conversely
,
this
can develop independence from phones and full success in academic fields. In conclusion, prohibited phones might result in a good result in the
productivity
of
students
, either focus on disciplines or succeed
easily
Correct quantifier usage
more easily
show examples
than their peers
Submitted by mako_09.01 on

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task achievement
While you have provided a clear stance and relevant examples, your introduction could benefit from being more engaging. Begin with a hook that draws the reader in before stating your position.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that all body paragraphs are fully developed, with each paragraph exploring a single main point. This helps in maintaining clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical and syntactical inaccuracies. For instance, 'after a while of time' should be 'after a while' or 'after some time'. Also, 'It is likely to seem' should be 'It is likely that'. Proofreading your work can help you catch these errors.
task achievement
Your essay structure is generally clear and you provide relevant supporting examples to back your points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively restates your main argument, summing up your points well.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimize distractions
  • cyberbullying
  • inappropriate content
  • face-to-face interaction
  • enhancing social skills
  • emergencies
  • educational opportunities
  • learning tools
  • resistance
  • essential for communication
  • safety purposes
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