IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Try this opinion essay question about the cost of space exploration. It’s best to state a clear opinion for or against in your introduction. Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. What is your opinion?

#cost #space #exploration #it’s #introduction #money
Space
exploration
 is one of the controversial topics for all people in the world. It can be positive like for the advancement of technology and negative responses as it needs a high cost. In
this
 essay, I will explain my opinion about that issue. First things
first,
recently, many people have used technology to fulfil their needs and necessities.
For example
, the
internet
. Almost all sectors
such
 as business, authority, and society have accessed the
Internet
 for finishing activities. Of course, through the
space
 station, the
Internet
 can be reached.
For example
, scientific researchers need to go into
space
 outer to develop the quality of technology.
Although
 it needs a lot of funding, the positive impact is more many rather than
nothing
Rephrase
no
show examples
 access to
space
exploration
.
Moreover
, the
internet
 can be placed only on the outside
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the earth.
For instance
, communication satellite is one of the branches of the
Internet
's product.
On the other hand
, going to
space
 needs a lot of funding. So, it became a debate between people.
Because when
Correct word choice
When
show examples
 scientists go to
space
, they will be impacted by other important
for spent
Verb problem
amounts
show examples
 of money.
For example
, the funding should spent on solving poverty problems in the world. But
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
politics
prefers
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 to go to the universe. Definitely, it is a controversial aspect and
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
that is
 very serious. It should be the power
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
 a priority problem and area developing in the under list after the other problems.
In contrast
, the authority has a main reason like through
space
exploration
, it can be solved by the innovation in
space
 stations. In my perspective, the government can decide on
space
exploration
, if the priority problems have been solved.
Submitted by writingbersama on

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task achievement
Your essay presents an opinion and follows a basic structure, which is good. To improve, try to develop your arguments further with more specific examples and clearer explanations. For instance, you mention that space exploration can lead to advancements in technology, but providing specific examples of such advancements would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of your essay are fairly good, but there are some areas where transitions and connections between ideas could be smoother. Using linking words and phrases can help to make your essay flow more naturally.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction, which states your opinion about the issue of space exploration costs.
logical structure
You provide a balanced view by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of space exploration, which shows a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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