When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, governments are trying to
enhncing
the Correct your spelling
enhancing
infrstructre
and construct Correct your spelling
infrastructure
a new cities
. Correct the article-noun agreement
a new city
new cities
Neverheless
, A wide range of citizens believe that Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
its
essential to establish wider Correct your spelling
it is
lanscapes
and sports areas, Correct your spelling
landscapes
landscape
instead
of building shopping centers
Change the spelling
centres
for enjoying
their spare time. I Strongly agree with Change preposition
to enjoy
this
statemen
,and I will illustrate my point of view.
Correct your spelling
statement
To begin
with, governments are concerning
more about their Wrong verb form
concerned
people
lives. They trying to improve Change noun form
people's
more
their luxury life by supplying more gardens. These places can assist people by Correct quantifier usage
apply
supporting
them a fresh air ,sunshades and a large space for children to hang Verb problem
providing
there
. Change preposition
out there
Moreover
, these parks can help the environment by protecting the ozon
layer and decline the global Correct your spelling
ozone
warm
. Replace the word
warming
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
Egypt
new capital , the prime project Change noun form
Egypt's
in
Change preposition
apply
it
is called the green Correct pronoun usage
apply
rievr
. It is three times bigger than Correct your spelling
river
Correct article usage
the centeral
centeral
park.
Correct your spelling
central
Furthermore
, sport
facilities Change the noun form
sports
also
are crucial, as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
it
can Correct pronoun usage
they
shaped
our Change the verb form
shape
adolescents
Change noun form
adolescent's
adolescents'
body
and help them to be Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
more
healthier. Moving Change the word
apply
further
, it can be more save
for our youths to delight there Correct word choice
safer
preferable
sports, a well as they will be under our vision. Correct word choice
preferred
For instance
, Egypt have
a lot of sports clubs ,Change the verb form
has
thus
the families can enjoy there
time, and watching Correct your spelling
their
there
lovers playing Correct your spelling
their
in
the Change preposition
on
play grounds
or swimming.
In conclusion, shopping Correct your spelling
playgrounds
centers
Change the spelling
centres
is
not vital as Change the verb form
are
much
as parks. It can cause Correct quantifier usage
apply
a
congestion and increase Remove the article
apply
more
the number of Correct quantifier usage
apply
robbes
. It Correct your spelling
robberies
also
have
a minor effect by increasing the income to the city.Change the verb form
has
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task response
In your introduction, ensure you clearly state your argument in a more precise manner and minimize any grammatical errors to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically. Use a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph and make sure that the ideas flow smoothly from one to another.
task response
Provide more detailed and relevant examples to support your points, and be sure to explain how these examples relate to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the grammatical accuracy and variety of sentence structures to enhance the overall readability of your essay.
task response
Your essay introduces both parks and sports facilities as key points of your argument, which is relevant to the given topic.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that summarizes your main points, providing closure to your essay.
task response
The examples given, such as the 'green river' in Egypt and sports clubs, are specific and help in illustrating your points.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.