IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. What is your opinion?

#space #exploration #money
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Space
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exploration
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 is a controversial topic worldwide. It has positive aspects,
such
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 as technological advancements, and negative ones, particularly its high cost. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I believe that
space
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exploration
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 is a valuable investment despite its high costs.
Firstly
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, recent technological advancements have significantly impacted various aspects of our lives.
For example
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, the internet, which relies on satellites placed in
space
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, is essential for business, government, and social activities. Scientific research in
space
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 has led to the development of new technologies that benefit society.
Although
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space
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exploration
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 requires substantial funding, the positive impacts,
such
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 as improved communication through satellites, outweigh the costs.
On the other hand
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, it is true that
space
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 missions are expensive. Critics argue that the money spent on
space
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exploration
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 could be better used to address urgent issues like poverty and healthcare. Governments should prioritize these problems before investing in
space
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 projects.
However
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, innovations from
space
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exploration
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 can
also
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 provide solutions to Earth's challenges.
For instance
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, satellite technology helps monitor environmental changes and manage natural disasters, ultimately benefiting society. In conclusion,
while
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space
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exploration
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 is costly, its benefits to technological advancements and
overall
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 societal progress make it a worthwhile investment. Governments should balance spending on
space
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 projects with addressing immediate social issues, ensuring that both areas receive appropriate attention and funding.
Submitted by writingbersama on

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task achievement
To elevate your essay, consider adding more specific examples, data, or studies to enhance your arguments. For instance, naming specific innovations from space technology or particular satellites that have revolutionized communication could strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay structure is not just logical, but also guides the reader seamlessly from one point to another. Use more transitional phrases and complex sentences to achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow and understand.
task achievement
Your arguments are clear, and you have successfully discussed the different perspectives on space exploration's costs and benefits.
task achievement
The use of simple and clear language makes it easy for the reader to grasp your ideas. This is crucial for effective communication of your point of view.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exorbitant
  • myriad
  • pressing issues
  • allocated
  • advances
  • direct results
  • pave the way
  • uninhabitable
  • inspirational aspects
  • fuels innovation
  • shared goal
  • intellectual capital
  • budget overruns
  • tangible benefits
  • rationale
  • dedicating
  • returns on investment
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