Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money

In modern society, many people

associale

Correct your spelling

associate

happiness with wealth and material possessions.

However

, there is an ongoing

dabate

Correct your spelling

debate

about whether money is the main source of pleasure

Change preposition

show examples

life. In

this

essay, I will present

this

view,

along with

things, other than cash, that can make an individual's life happier. In the end, I will provide my own point of view

along with

a sensible conclusion. On the one hand, currency can

Correct your spelling

buy

show examples

better comforts.

In other words

, having a

lange

Correct your spelling

large

amount of money can furnish people with financial stability and the means to pursue their

goal

Fix the agreement mistake

goals

show examples

and dreams. One good example of

this

individual

Fix the agreement mistake

individuals

show examples

with high salaries can afford to travel, purchase expensive items, and live in fully furnished

home

Fix the agreement mistake

homes

show examples

Furthermore

, wealth can supply access to resources and

opportunites

Correct your spelling

opportunities

that may not be available to those without monetary means. Especially, having pecuniary security can mitigate stress and anxiety, allowing residents to focus on other areas of their lives.

On the other hand

, there are many other factors that can contribute to cheerfulness beyond just money. Spending quality time in the company of friends and family will bring an immeasurable amount of joy.

Moreover

, strong personal relationships can all lead to feelings of contentment and satisfaction.

Additionally

individual

Add an article

an individual

the individual

show examples

who

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

a clear sense of direction and

purpost

Correct your spelling

purpose

in their lives often report feeling satisfied and happy.

Finally

, good physical and mental health can

also

be crucial to pleasure, as illness can detract from a person's quality of life. In conclusion,

although

cash can certainly contribute to contentment, it is not the only factor that determines an individual's

overall

well-being. A person can find happiness in other things like having a family and perfect health

also

act as a catalyst to reach a state of gladness.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Thu Jul 04 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar

Work on eliminating minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes ('associale,' 'dabate,' 'by better comforts,' 'lange,' and 'pecuniary'). Proofreading can help detect and correct these errors.

development

Provide more specific examples and elaborate on your ideas to strengthen the arguments. For instance, you mentioned that wealth can supply access to resources and opportunities, but citing specific examples (such as access to quality education and healthcare) could make the argument more compelling.

cohesion

While the essay is logically structured, there is a need to refine the transitions between ideas. Using more transitional phrases and sentences can enhance the flow of the essay, contributing to coherence and cohesion.

structure

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame the discussion.

development

The main points are consistently supported and elaborated on, particularly the role of money in achieving happiness and other sources of happiness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

Financial security
Basic needs
Comfort
Luxury
Freedom
Altruistic
Philanthropy
Nurturing relationships
Fulfillment
Sense of accomplishment
Physical well-being
Spiritual beliefs
Community involvement
Gratitude
Mindfulness
Simple pleasures

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Travelling and experiencing new cultures is a luxury and the tourism industry is growing by its leaps and bounds every year globally. There is an ongoing debate whether the customs and behaviour should be followed by the sightseers, or the host country should welcome their cultural differences. This essay will elaborate both the views along with my standpoint.
7.5
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
There is no doubt that people’s health is getting better than ever before. Many people agree that old people are a burden for the government, while others believe that there are advantages if society has more older adults. I completely agree WITH THE LATTER FOR SOME REASONS MENTIONED IN THIS ESSAY.
5
band
Some people think that children should learn world history. Others believe that it is more important to learn the history of their own country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There is no denying the fact that children learn faster while their younger. While it is a commonly held belief that learning more about the world's history can be attractive as such as having background information about the world's history and religions, there is also an argument that learning about your own countries history is more valuable and recommended. This essay will analyze this topic from both points and express my opinion.
<4
band
In many countries smoking is now illegal in public places. Do you agree or disagree?
There is a old saying that smoking is injurious to health . In the midst of change , the amount of people who smokes dramatically increased in the society . Smoking is not only dangerous to the person who do but also affect who are around them . In the current scenario , it can be seen that in some public places like shopping malls , public transports, around school , business stands , hospital and many more . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . Some people believe that banned on smoking has positive impact on our lives therefore it should be continued . I vehemently Agree with the initials . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the matter as well as proffer examples to justify my point of view.
7.5
band
You live in a house opposite a park. Every day a man brings large dogs to the park and lets them run free. Write a letter to your local council complaining about the danger. In your letter -say where the park is, -say how often this happens -give a description of the man and the dogs.
I am writing this letter to address a situation that we locals are facing every day in our nearest park. I am living in the "Home of the Garden" society and there is a big and open park nearby where lots of people come with their children and friends to spend some time and play. But, These days we are afraid to go to the park because one middle-aged person brings his dogs every evening and lets them run freely without any thought about the kids playing around.

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that children should learn world history. Others believe that it is more important to learn the history of their own country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries smoking is now illegal in public places. Do you agree or disagree?

You live in a house opposite a park. Every day a man brings large dogs to the park and lets them run free. Write a letter to your local council complaining about the danger. In your letter -say where the park is, -say how often this happens -give a description of the man and the dogs.