Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
In modern society, many people
associale
happiness with wealth and material possessions. Correct your spelling
associate
However
, there is an ongoing dabate
about whether money is the main source of pleasure Correct your spelling
debate
of
life. In Change preposition
in
this
essay, I will present this
view, along with
things, other than cash, that can make an individual's life happier. In the end, I will provide my own point of view along with
a sensible conclusion.
On the one hand, currency can by
better comforts. Correct your spelling
buy
In other words
, having a lange
amount of money can furnish people with financial stability and the means to pursue their Correct your spelling
large
goal
and dreams. One good example of Fix the agreement mistake
goals
this
, individual
with high salaries can afford to travel, purchase expensive items, and live in fully furnished Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
home
.
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
Furthermore
, wealth can supply access to resources and opportunites
that may not be available to those without monetary means. Especially, having pecuniary security can mitigate stress and anxiety, allowing residents to focus on other areas of their lives.
Correct your spelling
opportunities
On the other hand
, there are many other factors that can contribute to cheerfulness beyond just money. Spending quality time in the company of friends and family will bring an immeasurable amount of joy. Moreover
, strong personal relationships can all lead to feelings of contentment and satisfaction. Additionally
, individual
who Add an article
an individual
the individual
have
a clear sense of direction and Change the verb form
has
purpost
in their lives often report feeling satisfied and happy. Correct your spelling
purpose
Finally
, good physical and mental health can also
be crucial to pleasure, as illness can detract from a person's quality of life.
In conclusion, although
cash can certainly contribute to contentment, it is not the only factor that determines an individual's overall
well-being. A person can find happiness in other things like having a family and perfect health also
act as a catalyst to reach a state of gladness.Submitted by quynhtranhbh on
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grammar
Work on eliminating minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes ('associale,' 'dabate,' 'by better comforts,' 'lange,' and 'pecuniary'). Proofreading can help detect and correct these errors.
development
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on your ideas to strengthen the arguments. For instance, you mentioned that wealth can supply access to resources and opportunities, but citing specific examples (such as access to quality education and healthcare) could make the argument more compelling.
cohesion
While the essay is logically structured, there is a need to refine the transitions between ideas. Using more transitional phrases and sentences can enhance the flow of the essay, contributing to coherence and cohesion.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame the discussion.
development
The main points are consistently supported and elaborated on, particularly the role of money in achieving happiness and other sources of happiness.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.