Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food.Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people.Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.?
Nowadays, scientists are playing a crucial role in our
live
to enhance it. Replace the word
lives
However
, they are believing
that the prime cause to Wrong verb form
believe
demlish
our health by eating junk Correct your spelling
demolish
food
. A wide range of them are assuming that to alleviate this
issue, they should educate their citizens. While
others are convincing that even eduaction
will not have any effect. In Correct your spelling
education
this
essay, I will demonstrate both views with
some instances.
On the one hand, Fast Change preposition
in
food
now day
is on the top of Add an article
the day
a day
Add an article
a shelf
shelf
of Fix the agreement mistake
shelves
bussniss
. A diverse variation of individuals Correct your spelling
business
are
buying it to consume time without realizing Change the verb form
is
it
hazards. People should be more Correct pronoun usage
its
awared
Correct your spelling
aware
about
Change preposition
of
there
health. They Correct your spelling
their
also
should know more about the obestacles
of Correct your spelling
obstacles
this
happit
. Correct your spelling
habit
For instance
, Chinese schools are teaching their adolescents the drawbacks of over
utilizing Change preposition
apply
of
fast Change preposition
apply
food
and how are they going to be in the future. This
idea made the new generation be
are concerned about Correct your spelling
we
this
issue.
On the other hand
, the
education only is not the solution for Correct article usage
apply
this
proplem
. An array of people are tempted Correct your spelling
problem
to
the offers of fast Change preposition
by
food
. Moreover
, they feel they are sluggish to cook some healthy food
. They also
find that healthy food
is overpriced and they can not handle it. For instance
, Doctors in many hospitals are spending money on junk food
. Nonetheless
, they are concerned more on
fast Change preposition
with
food
due to
their studying.
In my honest opinion, education can paly
a vital role Correct your spelling
play
Change preposition
in to
to
Change preposition
in
decline
Verb problem
reducing
this
Change preposition
of this
proplem
by demonstrating its Correct your spelling
problem
consequence
.
In conclusion, the government should Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
pla
Correct your spelling
play
more
vital role Correct article usage
a more
to diminish
Change preposition
in diminishing
eating
of Correct article usage
the eating
this
type of food
. They should foster there
people to eat healthy Replace the word
their
food
by making offers on it, and eleminating
the offers on fast Correct your spelling
eliminating
food
.Submitted by mohannadsme on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
language
Work on grammar and spelling to avoid errors such as 'demlish' instead of 'demolish', 'obestacles' instead of 'obstacles', and 'eduaction' instead of 'education'.
support
Provide more clear examples to support your points. Your examples are somewhat vague, such as 'Doctors in many hospitals are spending money on junk food.'
task response
Strengthen your argumentation by balancing both views more evenly and providing a more comprehensive analysis.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single main idea clearly and logically. Some ideas in the paragraphs are not fully developed or explained.
task response
Good attempt at discussing both views as required by the prompt.
structure
Proper structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!