IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Some people argue that tourism brings more benefits than problems to a country, while others believe that tourism causes more harm than good. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #tourism #country #harm
Tourism
 is a global industry
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any
country
 that brings both negative and positive changes.
This
 is why; some people think that
tourism
 is more beneficial to a
country
while
 others argue that
tourism
 does more damage than good to a
country
. I believe
tourism
proposes
Verb problem
has
show examples
 more advantages than disadvantages. One of the primary advantages of
tourism
 is that it contributes to economic development.
This
 means
to say
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 spend money, on lodging, food and
sight-seeing
Correct your spelling
sightseeing
show examples
while
 visiting different historical and natural places of different parts of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 encouraging economic development.
Additionally
, they post pictures
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media which influences other people to visit those places which leads to
potential
Add an article
a potential
show examples
 influx of migrators and thereby,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
adds to more collection of money.
Moreover
, The
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
 of
tourism
 is that it does
Submitted by piratijaiswal1992 on

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task achievement
Ensure a complete response by fully discussing both views of the argument. In this essay, the disadvantages of tourism are mentioned but not expanded upon.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear conclusion to wrap up the essay. Right now, the essay ends abruptly without a clear conclusion to reaffirm the overall opinion.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. Instead of general statements, provide concrete instances where tourism has either benefitted or harmed a country.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph structure for better coherence. Develop each idea in a separate paragraph and ensure logical flow between points.
task achievement
The essay clearly states an opinion, which provides insight into the writer's stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage well, making it clear what the essay will discuss.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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