IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The paragraph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six -month period in 2011.

#paragraph #enquiries #tourist #information #office #city #six #-month #period
The line chart compares and contrasts
information
 on the amount of one city’s
enquiries
 received by the Tourist
Information
 Office from January to June
in
Change preposition
apply
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2011. Having looked at the chart given for more details, it is apparent that the averages of customers’ inquest in
person
 and by
telephone
 tended to increase.
While
 the
number
 of
exploration
Fix the agreement mistake
explorations
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 by letter or email was likely to decrease. There was a gentle drop from the first month of 2011 to the next
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in both by house phone and by letter or email figures.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 the
number
 of guests who search in
person
 has increased by nearly 200. In the middle period starting from February to April, the
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
 and
by
Add a hyphen
by-telephone
show examples
telephone
 lines all raised in one month. After about 30 days, the
enquiries
 by
telephone
 were not changed but there is a considerable growth in the
enquiries
 in
person
. What is more, there is no change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
enquiries
 by
telephone
 from February to March, and it is followed by a decline in the following month. The
number
 of guests who searched for
information
 in
person
 and by
telephone
 transformed greater in the
last
 period from April to June.
Moreover
, the
number
 of letters and emails containing requests for
information
 dropped significantly. I fell continuously to below 400 in June. In summary, we can see that most tourists preferred to communicate when their inquiries received instant feedback, especially calls or face-to-face communication.
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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, ensure that all main points are fully developed with relevant examples. For instance, instead of just noting that telephone inquiries increased, you could quantify this increase for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the middle period by specifying the exact months you are referring to, rather than using phrases like 'from February to April.' This will enhance the reader’s understanding and improve coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presented an introduction and conclusion, which provided clear framing to your response.
logical structure
The overall structure of the essay is logical and the main trends over the six-month period are identified.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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