IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Do you think it is better for governments to spend money developing public transportation or developing new kinds of cars? Why or why not? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In my opinion, spending money on public
vehicles
Use synonyms
 would be more beneficial than investing in the manufacturing of private
cars
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, as it would help
people
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 on a large scale to commute.
Also
Linking Words
, the development of different kinds of
cars
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 is owned by private companies
such
Linking Words
 as Tesla,
whereas
Linking Words
 the responsibility for public
vehicles
Use synonyms
 is taken by the government only. Moving
further
Linking Words
, there are some other factors that support my stance and are mentioned in the upcoming paragraphs. First of all, the advantage of investing in public
vehicles
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 helps everybody to commute easily, but creating electric
cars
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 can only benefit higher-class
people
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are a lot of
people
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 working in cities for their 9-5 job who travel by buses, trains, and subways only.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Tokyo and Seoul, the government has expanded its public transport system, and most
people
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 travel by subway and buses. The second reason is the reduction of
traffic
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 congestion. More
cars
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 result in
traffic
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 jams, and
hence
Linking Words
,
people
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 waste their time in
traffic
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. In large cities like London, the advancement of public transportation has shown less congestion on the
roads
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, and
people
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 tend to waste less time in
traffic
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 and arrive at work on time. The third reason is environmental
pollution
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 and the maintenance of
roads
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. In nations where
people
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 own more private
vehicles
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, has more
pollution
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, and
roads
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 are not well maintained, resulting in more accidents. The study in the US has shown that public transports emit 45% less carbon dioxide than
cars
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. So, spending money on public transportation will help in less
pollution
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, and
roads
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 will be less likely to be damaged, which will result in free and clear
roads
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.
To conclude
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, upgrading public means of transportation will serve middle and low-class
people
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, as rich
people
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 can afford to commute in their own
cars
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.
Lastly
Linking Words
, it will result in less environmental and noise
pollution
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.

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grammar
Fix grammar in places and use 'public transport' instead of 'public vehicles' to fit the topic.
structure
Break long sentences into shorter ones so the read is easy.
content
Add more clear proof for each point and avoid broad claims about class.
coherence
Use smoother linking words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
accuracy
Check facts or say they are examples from places so the ideas are true.
structure
Clear position is set in the introduction and the end.
content
Examples from real places (Tokyo, Seoul, London) are used.
planning
The essay starts with one main plan and gives three reasons.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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