IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town
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The diagram compares the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
, living
rural
Change preposition
in rural
show examples
, city and town areas between 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, during
this
Linking Words
fiftin-year
Correct your spelling
fiftieth-year
 period, people who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 remained the biggest indicator, with all two other places much less on them. In 1995
born
Correct pronoun usage
those born
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 spent the least amount of year,
While
Linking Words
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 outside spent about as much as each other,
show
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
 the indicator where it is higher.
However
Linking Words
 , by 2010, the gap in borning between
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two statistics had widened and considerably more outside than in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
. As can be seen from the graph, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 2010 increased but
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 two. It is noticed that in 1995 the
higgest
Correct your spelling
highest
biggest
 index was 60 and in 2010 was 80. The period between 1995 and 2010 saw
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sharp growth and in 2010 the
Australians
Correct quantifier usage
number of Australians
show examples
 decreased who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in towns and villages as much as they did in 1995.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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