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Writing Samples
Band 6

Tha charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

Tha charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
#tha #show #percentages #meals #three #nutrients
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The diagrams illustrate three different
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
normal percentages of nutrients in
wide
Add an article
a wide
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 range of meals. If all types of ingredients which sodium, saturated fat and sugar, it would be harmful will eaten quite much.  
In the
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The
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 first diagram gives
Add an article
a date
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date
Correct your spelling
data
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about
Change preposition
on
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 sodium
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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consumed
big
Correct article usage
a big
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 amount, 43% at breakfast.
Other kind
Change the wording
Another kind
Other kinds
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 of meals
that
Correct word choice
apply
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dinner and snacks consist of the same point 14%. But lunch involved 29% of these nutrients in the USA. The second chart shows the point of
satured
Correct your spelling
saturated
 fat. It added 37% to breakfast, 26% and 21% to snacks and lunch, respectively. The lowest amount of it
adding
Wrong verb form
adds
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 to dinner.    The
last
Linking Words
 chart provides a date for adding sugar. The
last
Linking Words
 large amount of sugar, 42%, is attached to snacks. Dinner included 23%, lunch and breakfast collected 19%, and 16% respectively.    All in all, the diagrams show that every typical meal consumed in the USA contains a percentage of at least 14% of nutrients that can be unhealthy if eaten too much.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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