Write about the following topic. It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. To what extent should people try to have a good work-life balance? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
It has been like a working culture for young
workers
to not care about the concept of "work
-life balance". They tend to focus on giving the best at work
and dedicating themselves to it. In my opinion, it is such
a bad culture which lead
to a decrease Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
performance
by Change preposition
in performance
workers
.
I think it is a good thing if the workers
try to give their 100 per cent to their jobs. Especially, if they are really passion
Replace the word
passionate
to
it. Change preposition
about
Nevertheless
, they have to remember about their health. Sometimes, it is not just about money or position in jobs but the workers
also
have to think about their mental health. For example
, someone who I know easily get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
burn
out because of their Change the form of the verb
burned
work
. In other words
, they are too perfectionist and it bothers their sleep schedule at night. They bring their work
at home.
In my perspectives
, it is more than enough to Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
work
from 8 A.M until 5 P.M. After that, they must leave all of the tasks at office
. They have to make their life happy, because if they are happy, I believe, they can make anything at Add an article
the office
work
. The things which could make they
happy are do Correct pronoun usage
them
shoppings
, Fix the agreement mistake
shopping
go
around, travelling, etc.
I know maybe the Wrong verb form
going
workers
do not want to make the boss dissapointed
if they Correct your spelling
disappointed
did
not do their best at Wrong verb form
do
work
or they are too afraid of company's
rules or want to get promoted. Correct article usage
the company's
However
, it is important to bear in mind that work
-life balance is important.
The conclusion is the concept of work
-life balance is something which the workers
have to consider. Afterwards, they can give their best performance but still in a good way without overworked
.Add a missing verb
being overworked
Submitted by wishmeluck on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear standpoint on the importance of work-life balance and addresses the prompt quite well. However, your main points would benefit from more detailed development. For instance, you could provide more concrete examples and expand on the health implications of poor work-life balance.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, the flow between paragraphs could be improved. Linking sentences or transitional phrases would help in better connecting your ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by relevant details.
coherence cohesion
Your essay effectively presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential components of a coherent essay.
task achievement
You successfully address the importance of work-life balance with a coherent argument about the detrimental effects of neglecting it.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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