Globalization is creating a world of one culture and destroying national identity. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
In the past decade, the mushrooming of foreign
culture
has enlivened myriad countries' cultures around the globe and left the real culture
of the country
behind. In my point of view, it is clear that
this
phenomenon could lead to several problems. In addition
, I believe that this
culture
can destroy such
culture
of a country
, and I will further
elaborate in the following paragraphs.
Several years ago, in 2018 to be precise, foreign culture
burst among Indonesian
youngsters and reached its peak when one of the Korean boy bands namely BTS topped the world's billboard music charts, overtook
other Western artists Correct word choice
and overtook
such
as Taylor Swift and Harry Style. Later on, the Korean Pop (K-Pop) culture
dominated the world music industry, including Indonesia. This
phenomenon has impacted the Indonesian
young generation to love foreign culture
more than their traditional culture
and history. Research even shows that the Indonesian
young generation cannot mention who is the founding father of their country
, as well as
mention the five countries’ principles, let alone know the traditional culture
they have.
Additionally
, the onslaught of the foreign entertainment industry, especially in the field of food
, has also
given Indonesian
youth better knowledge about this
than knowledge about their own country
's original cuisines. For instance
, a lot of young Indonesians like sushi and beef burgers more than countries original dishes such
as beef rendang and beef satay. This
is because they see a lot of programs related to foreign cuisines. Additionally
, it is easier to find restaurants serving foreign food
in a mall than one serving Indonesian
traditional food
.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that globalization could weaken one’s country
's identity. Globalization through entertainment channels such
as music and food
franchises cannot be ignored, as it plays a huge role in young generations.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Your introduction sets the stage for your argument, but it could benefit from greater clarity on the problems you intend to discuss. Be more explicit about what issues globalization causes.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, some paragraphs could be better developed to improve unity and flow. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and elaborates fully.
coherence cohesion
Use a more diverse range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. This will also help to show your proficiency in English.
relevant specific examples
The example of BTS and its impact on Indonesian youth is highly relevant and well-explained. This adds significant weight to your argument.
introduction conclusion present
You adequately conclude your essay, reinforcing your main point about globalization's impact on national identity.