IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, but some other people argue that industrial growth is leading to poverty and it should be stopped. Discuss both views

#people #growth #poverty
Many
people
 are of the view that the ideal way to address
poverty
 is by promoting
industries
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 relevant to a
nation
.
Whereas
 A school of thought holds a perception that the
growth
 of
industries
 is dominant to
poverty
 and the
government
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to put a hold
on
Correct pronoun usage
on it
show examples
. The essay will discuss both sides and give a point of view.
On the other hand
, the
growth
 of
industries
 improves
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
show examples
 rate in a particular
nation
 and gives Job opportunities thereby promoting
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 livelihood of the
people
 in the society.
Furthermore
,
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of
industries
boost
Change the verb form
boosts
show examples
 income for national development
due to
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 taxes to the
government
 which
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
could be allocated to different sectors
such
 as education and health. Nowadays increasing amount of
industries
 in our society has improved
infastructural
Correct your spelling
infrastructural
infrastructure
 development
such
 as roads and railways which makes
transport
Correct article usage
the transport
show examples
 of goods readily accessible and convenient. I argued that the
growth
 of
industries
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 good rather than harm.
On the other hand
,
due to
 increasing industrial
growth
,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of living
such
 as rent,
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and transportation charges go higher.
people
 living in these areas tend to pay higher than those in the countryside. Nowadays overpopulation is the leading cause of
poverty
as a result
 of
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 ratio
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 decreases. A country which is overpopulated faces
poverty
 since
government
 or
cooperate
Wrong verb form
cooperating
show examples
 individuals may not have access to enough
site
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
show examples
 for
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of
industries
,
therefore
 everything will be imported which will do harm rather than good to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Food prices
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 gone higher these days and is a basic thing for everyone since one cannot survive without food.
According to
 research importation of food items
such
 as rice,
cooking
Correct word choice
and cooking
show examples
 oil has reached its peak of about 78.5% which shouldn't be so.
To conclude
,
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of
industries
 is relevant since it addresses
poverty
 by boosting
government
 income through tax, improves
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
show examples
 rate and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 Job opportunities for the
people
 in the
nation
. There will be
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
 in
infastructural
Correct your spelling
infrastructural
infrastructure
developmen
Correct your spelling
development
.
In contrast
, industrial
growth
 can lead to higher
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 of living and
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
 in the
nation
.
Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and readability. This will strengthen your arguments and avoid any potential confusion for the reader.
examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Examples can make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views, which is essential for a high task achievement score.
organization
You have written a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing your points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrial growth
  • poverty
  • income opportunities
  • technological advancements
  • productivity
  • income inequality
  • wealthy individuals
  • corporations
  • environmental impacts
  • impoverished communities
  • sustainable development
  • inclusive development
  • alleviation
  • measures
  • accompany
  • concerns
What to do next:
Look at other essays: