Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.
On the one hand,
as
other people believe if Correct word choice
apply
children
are to decide about several things on their own, it is viewed as a society of teenagers who make their own decisions
. Children
can be wild and may make decisions
that are not good for themselves which may lead them astray. For instance
, if an influential boy is into drugs and makes wrong decisions
on getting along with
gangs that do drugs, this
same boy will lead other children
astray and they will all get in trouble. Thus
, it should be noted that young people should not be allowed to decide on their own.
On the other hand
, I strongly think that children
should be allowed to make their own decisions
about what to eat, wear
and how they should entertain themselves because Correct word choice
and wear
this
will enable them to mature fast and help them to be responsible at an early age. Further
, it is paramount that they should exercise this
with the involvement of a parent or an adult. Furthermore
, an elderly person will correct them where they go wrong and will also
give them guidance or mentorship on how to go about some things. For example
, looking at the issue of food, children
may not understand about
the importance of nutrition, so a knowledgeable parent about diet and nutrientsChange preposition
apply
,
may educate them on eating balanced diet meals.
In conclusion, other people say that Remove the comma
apply
children
who make final decision
on their ownFix the agreement mistake
decisions
,
will likely result Remove the comma
apply
to
having a society of kids who only Change preposition
in
thing
Correct your spelling
think
their
own wishes. Change preposition
of their
However
, in my opinion, kids should be encouraged to think on their own with the guidance of an elder.Submitted by pncubeterera on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints and gives an opinion, but occasionally the arguments could be further developed to create a more balanced discussion. Try adding more depth and detail to your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows smoothly to the next. Some of your transitions could be improved for better readability.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your arguments.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion