IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

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On the one hand,
as
Correct word choice
apply
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other people believe if
children
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 are to decide about several things on their own, it is viewed as a society of teenagers who make their own
decisions
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.
Children
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 can be wild and may make
decisions
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 that are not good for themselves which may lead them astray.
For instance
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, if an influential boy is into drugs and makes wrong
decisions
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 on getting
along with
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 gangs that do drugs,
this
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 same boy will lead other
children
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 astray and they will all get in trouble.
Thus
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, it should be noted that young people should not be allowed to decide on their own.
On the other hand
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, I strongly think that
children
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 should be allowed to make their own
decisions
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 about what to eat,
wear
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and wear
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 and how they should entertain themselves because
this
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 will enable them to mature fast and help them to be responsible at an early age.
Further
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, it is paramount that they should exercise
this
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 with the involvement of a parent or an adult.
Furthermore
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, an elderly person will correct them where they go wrong and will
also
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 give them guidance or mentorship on how to go about some things.
For example
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, looking at the issue of food,
children
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 may not understand
about
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apply
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the importance of nutrition, so a knowledgeable parent about diet and nutrients
,
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 may educate them on eating balanced diet meals. In conclusion, other people say that
children
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 who make final
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 on their own
,
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apply
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 will likely result
to
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in
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 having a society of kids who only
thing
Correct your spelling
think
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their
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of their
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 own wishes.
However
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, in my opinion, kids should be encouraged to think on their own with the guidance of an elder.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints and gives an opinion, but occasionally the arguments could be further developed to create a more balanced discussion. Try adding more depth and detail to your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows smoothly to the next. Some of your transitions could be improved for better readability.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your arguments.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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