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Band 7

Some people think that the only purpose of work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #purpose #work #money
These days, people's lifestyles and work are so varied from the past
also
, we can see some populations work really hard, so a group of people believe that these communities work so hard to earn a number of
money
 , not other things
while
 in my opinion, global inhabitants working hard for not only rise their income but
also
 improve their jobs and societies level. On the one hand, the fact that working hard has a
lot
 of
money
 is true owing to the fact that when you spend a
lot
 of time on your occupation and clim your knowledge to become better, you can earn so much
money
;
besides
, you are able to buy a range of elements that you like it.
For instance
, the labourer who works in the restaurant and spends more time in;
moreover
, he has less free time;
however
, he can invest in some items that others who are not very perfect are not able
.
Fix the infinitive
to.
show examples
On the other hand
, only if you enhance your efficiency by working a
lot
 and getting experience with high education, you be able to upgrade and obtain better job opportunities; in fact, your society's standards are getting better and your lives are changed.
In other words
, the employees in one office when they are hard-working, might become CEOs after many times;
furthermore
, their friends and coworkers will be altered;
additionally
, they have relations with communities who are in a good position;
therefore
, they have alternative lives.
To sum up
, working a
lot
 has two several benefits.
Firstly
, for earning a great deal of
money
 which can improve our lives.
Secondly
, it can help us to become better and have friends whose knowledge is high.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific and well-developed examples to support your arguments more effectively. Examples should be relevant and clearly illustrate the point you are making.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is great! However, make sure your main points are well-supported throughout the essay. Each paragraph should have one clear main idea and supporting details.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a logical flow. Sometimes the ideas jump from one to another without clear transitions. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly present, framing the essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal fulfillment
  • professional growth
  • acquiring new skills
  • value in the job market
  • passion and interest
  • joy and purpose
  • social impact
  • make a difference in society
  • contribute to their community
  • positive impact on the world
  • recognition and status
  • accolades
  • prestigious reputation
  • sense of accomplishment
  • challenge themselves
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