IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #refugees #assistance #food
Many rich countries should take care of
refugees
 and give them food and
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 to live. Personally, I tend to think that
this
 idea is bad, because
accept
Wrong verb form
accepting
show examples
 more
refugees
 will
attrack
Correct your spelling
attract
attack
 other
people
 to leave the country which they do not like. If
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthy countries
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
accept more
refugees
 and give them food and housing,
then
people
 like
homeless
Correct article usage
the homeless
show examples
 will
eager
Add a missing verb
be eager
show examples
 to
imigrate
Correct your spelling
emigrate
immigrate
migrate
. It is
obviously
Change the word
obvious
show examples
 that everyone
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to live in abundance. So there will be some
people
 who live in bad
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 or
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
 and want to change their housing to normal
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
.
For example
 , Poland is one of the safest and there
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
was
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 any terrorist
atack
Correct your spelling
attack
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Poland
is not accept
Change the verb form
is not accepting
show examples
 any
refugees
.
On the other hand
, it can
also
 be argued that there is any possibility that
refugees
 will decrease the percentage of
people
 who speak in official language and who keep traditions analogically.
That is
 to say,
refugees
 will not learn the official language of the country where they came
.
Change preposition
from.
show examples
 Take
for example
 Kazakhstan.There is a lot of
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
imigrants
Correct your spelling
immigrants
. So the percentage of the
people
 who speak in official language is lower than 70. And there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of deceivers
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 want to earn money. It is
obviously
Change the word
obvious
show examples
 that they are
refugees
. Because they do
bot
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 have
Correct article usage
a pasport
show examples
pasport
Correct your spelling
passport
 of the country, where they came
.
Change preposition
from.
show examples
 So there is no other way to earn money except fraud. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that
Correct article usage
the disadvantage
show examples
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 overweight over advantages.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and logical structure, aim to maintain a clear and consistent argument throughout your essay. Avoid jumping between unrelated points and make sure each paragraph connects logically to the next.
introduction and conclusion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your stance, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points. This will help in providing a strong framework for your essay.
task response
Support your main ideas with relevant and specific examples. This will make your argument more convincing. Also, avoid generalizations and be precise in your examples.
clear ideas
Focus on developing your ideas more completely. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is fully explained and supported.
task response
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue. This is an important aspect of task achievement.
introduction and conclusion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which is essential for providing structure to your essay.
task response
Your essay attempts to provide examples to support your points, which is a good approach to make your arguments more solid.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Refugees
  • Asylum seekers
  • Humanitarian aid
  • Integration
  • Multiculturalism
  • Economic impact
  • Public services
  • International law
  • Conventions relating to the status of refugees
  • Labor market
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Burden-sharing
  • Resettlement programs
  • Host country
  • Border security
  • Comprehensive policy
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