Hosting an international sporting event such as the Olympic Games is good for the country, regardless of the potential negatives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

International athletic competitions,
such
as the
Olympics
, are beneficial to the nation, even with any potential drawbacks. I concur that it will support the growth of travel within the nation.
However
, I agree that the money set aside for the
Olympics
will do more harm than good.      
To begin
with, hosting international sports events is beneficial for the
state
's tourism. Spectators who visit a
country
to watch the Olympic Games will certainly spend a certain amount of money in that
country
.
This
will benefit the
state
in the field of tourism. and makes the name of the host
country
famous.    
Secondly
, the profit from hosting is usually used to cover the loss. There will be a loss to the Treasury but no profit. Because of the
Olympics
, a large amount of money is allocated by the
state
for a stadium or other type of construction. After the
Olympics
, not all of its parts will return to the
state
.
This
is because the building was expensive and large.
Therefore
, the building is not used much.   In conclusion, hosting international sporting events
such
as the
Olympics
,
while
developing the
country
on the one hand, does more harm than good.
Submitted by mamashukuruvbobur31 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides reasons both for and against hosting the Olympics, which is good. However, try to deepen your analysis and provide more specific examples or data to make your points more compelling and believable.
coherence cohesion
Work on your coherence and cohesion by ensuring that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea—this will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repeating words and ideas. You can use synonyms or paraphrase to make your essay more interesting to read. Additionally, aim to provide more balanced arguments rather than predominantly listing negatives.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your essay.
supported main points
Your essay presents multiple viewpoints, which demonstrates an ability to critically think about the topic.
logical structure
The overall structure of your essay is easy to follow, with clear paragraphs.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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