Some experts believe that when a country is rich, any additional increase in the economic wealth does not satisfy its citizen anymore. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Eccnomical
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Economical
Economic

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stability remains a perennial topic of debate between
nations
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, where some believe that the economy of developed countries has entered a plateau phase and,
therefore
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,
further
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income is not advantageous for them,
while
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others argue that
nations
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, regardless of their economic status, always remain in need of income.
Nonetheless
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, I believe that rich
nations
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do not benefit by generating more income, owing to improvements and advancements that they have already made.
This
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essay delves deeper into the reasons why it is true that several rich
nations
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do not require additional funding once
theireconomy
Correct your spelling
their economy
the economy

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stabilises. At the outset, several developed
nations
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allocate a major proportion of their funds
in
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to

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developing
health
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and educational facilities. To elaborate on
this
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, since
health
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and educational institutes are
the
Correct article usage
apply

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essentials in all regions globally, empowered
nations
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invest a huge portion of money in establishing them, ensuring that every citizen lives a better quality of life.
For instance
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, it is evident that not only is the money used in inaugurating healthcare and learning systems, but
also
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makes them free of charge, facilitating every citizen in terms of
health
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and education, which,
subsequently
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, fortifies and benefits the societies as a whole.
Thus
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,
high profile
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high-profile

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nations
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guarantee to apportion funds in building the fabric of society.
Furthermore
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,
nations
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with strong
economy
Fix the agreement mistake
economies

It seems that economy may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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have an increased workforce and employment rate.
In other words
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, financial stability entices people to work for the country,
as well as
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, improves their future prospects of career.
For example
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, when rich countries spend their funds to set up their own enterprises, develop factories and manufacture goods, not only do they increase the employment rate, but
also
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assist
regulating
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in regulating

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money within the nation.
Hence
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, one of the goals of the rich
nations
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is to improve the future projection of their dwellers by providing them with several job opportunities. In conclusion, developed countries are so-called because their governments strive to promote the well-being of their people, in terms of
health
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, education and career. In my perspective,
additional
Correct article usage
an additional

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increase in
finances
Correct article usage
the finances

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of these
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations

It seems that nation may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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does not have any
further
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outcome as their population already enjoys the virtues of being stabilised and empowered economically.

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task achievement
Ensure that there is consistency throughout the essay. For instance, maintaining the same argument across paragraphs and sections will bolster your task achievement score.
task achievement
While the examples given are valuable, try to provide more specific and detailed examples to further support the main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
language
Improve on grammatical accuracy and lexical precision. Watch out for minor spelling errors and typos such as 'theireconomy' which should be 'their economy'. These small details can impact the overall impression of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider using transition words and phrases more effectively to ensure smooth progression and logical connection between ideas. This can enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
introduction
You have a clear and comprehensive introduction that sets the context and presents your viewpoint effectively.
conclusion
The conclusion successfully reiterates the main argument and ties the essay together, giving a strong finish to your discussion.
body paragraphs
The main points are well-supported and logically structured, allowing the reader to follow your argument with ease.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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