IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, but some other people argue that industrial growth is leading to poverty and it should be stopped. Discuss both view.

#people #growth #poverty
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Many
nation
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nations
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 are of the view that the ideal way to address
femine
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feminism
 is by promoting
business
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businesses
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 which are relevant to
a
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apply
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society
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 A school of thought holds the perception that
expansion
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 of production is dominant to famine and
the
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that
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 politics needs to put a hold on it. The essay will elaborate
both
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on both
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 sides and give a point of view.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
expansion
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 of production improves the employment rate in a particular
society
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 and gives job opportunities thereby promoting the quality livelihood of the population in the
society
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the construction of trade boosts income for national development
due to
Linking Words
 increased taxes to the officials which could be allocated to different sectors
such
Linking Words
 as education and health. Nowadays increasing amount of trade in our
society
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 has improved infrastructural development
such
Linking Words
 as roads and railways which makes the transport of goods readily accessible and convenient.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 increasing industrial
expansion
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, the cost of living
such
Linking Words
 as rent,
food
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 and transportation charges has been hyped. Public living in these areas
tend
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tends
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 to pay higher than those in the countryside. Nowadays overpopulation is the leading cause of underdevelopment
as a result
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 of the work ratio of
human
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humans
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decreases
Wrong verb form
decreasing
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. A country which is overpopulated faces famine since authority or cooperating individuals may not have access to enough
site
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sites
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 for the construction of business,
therefore
Linking Words
 everything will be imported which will do harm rather than good to
society
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.
Food
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 prices have gone higher these days and
is
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are
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 a basic necessity for every individual since one cannot survive without
food
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.
According to
Linking Words
 research importation of
food
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 items
such
Linking Words
 as rice, and cooking oil has reached
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 peak of about 78.5% which shouldn't be so.
To conclude
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, the
expansion
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 of business is relevant since it addresses underdevelopment by boosting authority income through tax,
improves
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improving
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 the employment rate and
increases
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increasing
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 Job opportunities for the public in the state. There will be an increase in infrastructure development.
In contrast
Linking Words
, industrial
expansion
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 can lead to higher costs of living and overpopulation in the state
Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on

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task achievement
The essay generally addresses both perspectives regarding industrial growth and its effects on poverty; however, some ideas lack depth and clarity. To improve, try to delve deeper into each argument, providing more detailed analysis and examples.
coherence cohesion
Although the general structure of the essay is clear and includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, there are some areas where transitions between ideas could be smoother. Work on improving the flow of the essay by using linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your arguments.
task achievement
While there are some specific examples given, such as the mention of taxes and employment rates, these examples could be more directly aligned with the main arguments. Aim to incorporate more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your points.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses both viewpoints regarding industrial growth and its potential to solve or contribute to poverty. It concludes with a balanced summary of both sides.
coherence cohesion
The structure includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a coherent and cohesive framework within which arguments are presented.
task achievement
There are attempts to use relevant examples, such as the impact of trade on tax revenue and infrastructure development.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrial growth
  • poverty
  • income opportunities
  • technological advancements
  • productivity
  • income inequality
  • wealthy individuals
  • corporations
  • environmental impacts
  • impoverished communities
  • sustainable development
  • inclusive development
  • alleviation
  • measures
  • accompany
  • concerns
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