IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental proble of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental probles discuss both views

#people #proble #time #loss #species #plants #animals #probles
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Environmental
problems
 have been growing rapidly since the beginning of the era,
one
 of the controversial
issue
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issues
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 debating on the topic of whether the
extinction
 of
the
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apply
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living creatures is considered as a main
problems
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problem
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 of the environmental concerns or not. Some may agree
in
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to
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 some extent
whlist
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while
 some opponents may disagree,
however
 after thorough consideration, though there are several crucial
problems
on
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in
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 the environment, it is strongly believed that the problem
on
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of
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 the loss of some
species
 of
plants
 and animals should be taken
in to
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into
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 account. It is inarguable that there are
a
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apply
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plenty of
on-goings
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ongoing
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issues
 on
the
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apply
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environmental
problems
such
 as
the
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apply
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climate change, impacting
by
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apply
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the world's population
direct
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in direct
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 and indirect ways. These
issues
 are
the
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apply
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fundamental
issues
 affecting in global scale leading to the occurrence of
the
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apply
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natural
disaster
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disasters
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such
 as
the
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flood
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floods
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, extreme weather and rising sea levels.
Nonetheless
, the
problems
 of loss of
the
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biodiversity should not be put down by any chance.
One
 of several reasons indicating the crucial loss of
species
 is that it highly affects the
overall
 biodiversity on Earth. To elaborate, losing
one
species
 in the ecosystem could be viewed as a disruption of the food chain.
This
 will result in an overgrowth of populations of its prey, and the predators will lose their food
then
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and then
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 may die out of hunger.
For instance
, if there was the
extinction
 of the whale, the numbers of
planktons
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plankton
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 would double
while
 the Orcas would lose their food source.
Furthermore
, the
extinction
 of the
species
 could lead to other environmental
problems
. To enumerate, some animals are vital for the plant’s fertilization which means when
one
species
 is extinct the number of
plants
 will decline which can lead to the
problems
 of air pollutants. Bees
is
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are
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one
 obvious example, if there was the
extinction
 of bees, not only the
plants
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plant's
plants'
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 numbers decrease, but the pollutants will be increase
also
due to
 the
facts
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fact
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 that the
plants
is
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are
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 the air purificators. In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a plethora of
on-going
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ongoing
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problems
on
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in
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 the environmental aspects, but the
issues
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issue
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 of losing the
species
 of
plants
 and animals acts as
one
 of the important roots of the environmental crisis which could lead to
further
 environmental
problems
.
Submitted by pattaraporn.konj on

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good grasp of the topic and addresses both sides of the discussion. However, some sentences could be clearer. Simplifying complex sentences will make your arguments easier to follow for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear point, and use topic sentences to introduce them. This will help in maintaining a clear logical structure throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
It would be helpful to use more transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will foster clearer connections and improve coherence.
task achievement
You have thoroughly discussed both views as required by the prompt, giving weight to each argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a clear stance on the issue.
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