IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You found an online advertisement from a family in Australia who are looking for someone to move in with them for five months and help care for their five-year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter • explain why you are interested in this job • give details of what makes you a suitable person for the role • tell them how you plan to spend your free time while in Australia You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my interest in an online advertisement in which you are looking for someone to take care of your child in Australia. First of all, I am looking for a job that gives me a chance to improve my English and discover a new country
while
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 I am working. Since Australia is an English-speaking environment and has a rich culture, it aligns well with my preferences.
Secondly
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, I graduated from Hacettepe University with a major in early childhood care, and I have five years of professional experience in childcare.
This
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 experience and strong background I have perfectly fit
with
Change preposition
the
show examples
 job description.
In addition
Linking Words
, I took a
cook
Replace the word
cooking
 class when I was at university, allowing me to
healthy
Verb problem
prepare healthy
show examples
 foods for your child. I am really eager to discover Australia's restaurants and
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
 destinations in Sydney, where I can meet new people and immerse myself in a new culture. For that reason, I would like to spend my free time trying special foods and hanging out with my new friends. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully. Ibrahim

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task response
You answer all three parts. Add one or two clear child-care tasks, such as play, read, or take the child to school. This can make your letter more full.
task response
Say more about why you want to live with this family, not only why you want to go to Australia.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a good order. Use more clear links, such as "Also", "For example", and "In my free time", to join ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The last part can be more clear if you say when you will do these things, for example, "At weekends, I plan to...".
task response
You clearly say why you want the job: to use English, see a new country, and learn about its culture.
task response
You give strong details about your study, five years of work, and cooking.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear start, middle, and end. Each main part has its own paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and ending are right for a formal letter.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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