IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree?

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A plethora of individuals consider that smoking poses the greatest threat in today's society. If that happens, governments worldwide must ban all tobacco products. I wholeheartedly concur with
this
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 statement as cigarettes lead to severe illnesses and smokers set a poor example for
children
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. It is indisputable that the smoke people breathe in
while
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 smoking greatly damages their
health
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. The human respiratory system is at risk from exposure to harmful
vapour containing
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vapour-containing
show examples
 chemical elements, leading to gradual damage and potential death.
Additionally
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, certain data from medical studies indicates that smokers typically have a higher likelihood of developing lung cancer.
Consequently
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, individuals who are hooked on cigarettes are ultimately causing harm to themselves.
For instance
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, my neighbour has been smoking a pack of cigarettes daily for twenty years. For that reason, his current state of
health
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 is poor.
Furthermore
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, his addiction is a constant source of suffering for his family.
Nevertheless
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, the primary rationale for governments to prohibit all tobacco items is the
health
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 of
children
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. Many
children
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 see smokers and believe that smoking is a fantastic and stylish activity. These false beliefs can result in disastrous outcomes. As an example, my cousin witnessed his father smoking on a daily basis when he was a child.
Children
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 are often seen imitating their parents' behaviours, even the negative ones.
As a result
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, he picked up smoking just like his father, leading to his current poor
health
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.
To sum up
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, I fully support individuals calling for the prohibition of tobacco products
due to
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 the negative impact they have on both our
health
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 and the
health
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 of our
children
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the supporting points are more explicitly connected to the main argument to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
task achievement
Expand on some of the examples and explanations to offer more depth to your arguments. For instance, you could explain how second-hand smoke affects non-smokers or provide statistical evidence about smoking-related illnesses.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your points, contributing to a compelling argument.
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