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Band 4

Some people think it is better for one single legal system throughout the world. Other say countries should have their own law.

#people #system #world #countries #law
Individuals have different views about whether separate formal
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 should be used worldwide or every country ought to have their
Correct word choice
own law
show examples
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
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.
While
 having a single
rule
 to control the world can make people equal with rights, I believe that the ability to
rule
 their own is more important. On the one hand, ruling around the globe
make
Verb problem
gives
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 humans
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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equal rights. When mankind all over the Earth
follow
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follows
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 one regulation can be an element of combining all of the nationalities.
This
 type of ruling can simplify tackling tough problems meanwhile, pushing mankind
working
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to work
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 in a team.
In addition
, ruling over our planet can minimize the risk of damaging the environment.
On the other hand
, it is perhaps even more significant for countries to compete with each other in order to outdo their opponent in terms of modernization and these territories develop
in
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at
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 a high speed. And locals from
particular
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a particular
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 country will be able to live in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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,
then
 they embark to bring profit and that can increase the level of co-operative work. If
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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 are independent, they are capable of trading,
testing
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and testing
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 new inventions and
that is
 a tremendous benefit for countries owing to
rise
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the rise
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their
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in their
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 financial needs.
To sum up
, I can understand why mortals might want to set one
rule
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to manage our planet Earth, but it seems to me that controlling the country involving its’
rule
 is more desirable.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear position on the issue. However, the supporting points could be more developed with concrete examples and deeper explanation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next. Consider using more cohesive devices and transitional phrases to enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
The language used is intelligible and conveys your ideas clearly, with minor grammatical issues that do not impede understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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