IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sport to young children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighborhood #sport #children
Nowadays the advancement of
the
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apply
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technology has covered all parts of the globe including the internet and social media .
As a result
 , many teenagers have forgotten the vital role
as
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of
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a
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apply
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human
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humans
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to socialise
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in socialising
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 with others and sharing is caring. I
totaly
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totally
 agree with the statement above which I will explain in detail in the following paragraph.
To begin
 with , there is no wrong for high
school
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schools
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 to promote unpaid community service to their students because of the good opportunities that will be given to the younger generation to learn and grow.
For example
 , working for charity
needs
Verb problem
is
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 a big responsibility and
teach
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teaches
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 them the importance of giving back to the
socities
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societies
.
Nevertheless
 ,
this
 program can
also
 enhance
individual's
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individual
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 skills
such
 as teamwork and foster empathy among the young ones.
In addition
 , all of the
encounter
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encounters
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 and
experience
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experiences
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 are
benefits
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beneficial
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for
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in
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 the long run in the future of real life.
As a result
 , when he or she
enter
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enters
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 the society ,
then
 they will be prepared.
In contrast
 , some parents argue that
this
 mandatory service will be a burden for their children because of the removing choices of
after
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after-school
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school
 activities and detracting their academic .
For instance
 , many guardians think that their kids should attend more tuition to improve their
educational
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education
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 by theory ,
whereas
 learning solid materials after
school
hour
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hours
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 only
make
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makes
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 them feel
boring
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bored
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 and incapable
to develop
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of developing
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real life
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real-life
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 skills.
Therefore
 , physical activities are more
engaged
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engaging
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 and interesting to learn. In conclusion , consider
a
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the
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 positive output that students will gain if they
involves
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are involved
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 in
such
 events that the
school
 has
orgarnized
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organised
, rather than playing with their
phone
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phones
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 or
isolate
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isolating
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 themselves
with
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from
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the
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apply
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social media. I
truely
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truly
 agree with the trend
about
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apply
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that will give advantages
for
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to
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 the younger generation in a better future.
Submitted by tifjong on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a clear position, but to improve, make sure to introduce each paragraph with a clearer topic sentence. Additionally, providing more specific examples or evidence would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Using linking words and phrases more effectively can help make your writing more cohesive. Also, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid confusion.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your argument effectively. This shows good structure in your writing.
task achievement
Your position on the topic is evident and you offer several reasons to support your viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unpaid community service
  • Compulsory
  • Philanthropic activities
  • Civic engagement
  • Give back to society
  • Empathy
  • Social awareness
  • Real-world experience
  • Detracting
  • Autonomy
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Volunteering
  • Teamwork
  • Neighborhood improvement
  • Mentoring
What to do next:
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