An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own pourer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?
there are many professionals moving away from their
countries
to developed countries
. The main problem
this
causes is reducing the quality of health care in their countries
and the most viable solution is improving awareness
of people
about their rule on
their Change preposition
in
countries
.
The principle problem
associated with the quality of health care in their countries
, and the number
of diseases will increase. when the risk of disease increases people
will suffer from poor health and life. the result of this
problem
is more number
of death people
. For example
, a recent government
survey found that increased significantly in the number
of diseases in poor countries
, that had a huge number
of their doctors moved to another area.
To tackle this
problem
the government
should launch a publicity campaign in the media and schools for learning
and Change preposition
to learn
educating
Wrong verb form
educate
people
about this
difficult issue. this
issue will affect their families's lives now and more in the future. Moreover
, An awareness
campaign could shed some highlight on this
big problem
and allow people
to be open and honest about it. For example
, a similar method used in Japan there 50
% decrease in the Correct article usage
a 50
number
of people
who move
to work in another country
In conclusion, professionals are moving to other Wrong verb form
moved
countries
and this
leads to a major issue. However
, this
problem
can addressed by governments to improve people
Change noun form
people's
awareness
. It recommended that it is better when the government
launches a campaign to improve society's awareness
and learning this
will make people
more co-operate
with their Verb problem
apply
government
.Submitted by saja.alotaibi on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Firstly, enhance the introduction. Make sure to clearly introduce the topic and the two-part prompt (problems and solutions) at the very beginning to strengthen the essay's overall structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas. Currently, there are abrupt transitions between ideas. Effective use of linking words and phrases will help create a more cohesive flow.
Language
Use varied sentence structures and avoid repetitive phrases. This will make the essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will reinforce your arguments and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Language
Revise for grammatical accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments. For example, ensure that each sentence has a clear subject and verb.
Task Achievement
Expand on the solutions a bit more. Specifically, elaborate on how awareness campaigns can be effectively implemented and their potential impact. This will show a more comprehensive approach to problem-solving.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly identifies the main problem and proposes a solution.
Task Achievement
There is a good attempt to use examples to support the points raised.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay concludes with a summary, which is important for essay structure.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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