IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some students decide early in life to pursue vocational careers that involve cooking or baking. For them, it is better to study their chosen occupations in high school rather than regular subjects. To what extend do you are or disagree?

#students #life #careers #study #occupations #school #subjects
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With
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 extensive pressure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a career at an early age, some high
school
students
 started to pursue taking classes which are exclusively related to their
future
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, not following
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 curriculum.
However
, I firmly believe that they should prioritize schools’
curriculmn
Correct your spelling
curriculums
 at all
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 for their better choices of
future
 plans.
Students
 assert that learning their chosen
oppupations
Correct your spelling
occupations
occupation
 in
school
 is an essential time to hone their skills. They think that they can save time and money to enhance their skills at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 by taking classes which are associated with their
future
 jobs.
For instance
, they are able to learn how to bake from scratch at
school
 and develop
this
 skill for several years, it could be easier for getting a job as soon as they graduate.
However
, receiving
well-rounded
Correct article usage
a well-rounded
show examples
 education in high
school
 should be regarded
more
Change preposition
as more
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 important than any other
points
Fix the agreement mistake
point
show examples
. By following
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 curriculum, it is possible to acquire diverse education from academic
subjects
 to artistic
subjects
. The time for learning and grasping new concepts and studying intensively in various fields is needed to develop
intellecutally
Correct your spelling
intellectually
 and personally. Upon reaching
this
 stage,
students
 make the most of their experiences to choose wisely their
future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Therefore
, it is undeniable that
students
 have to keep up with
school
 classes.
To sum up
,
stduying
Correct your spelling
studying
 regular
subjects
 in high
school
 should not be disregarded because children can horizon their knowledge, which helps them to decide their
future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. They can extend their perspective of jobs,
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 and
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
, provided that they learn various concepts and skills
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various
subjects
.
Submitted by jb22809467 on

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relevant specific examples
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clear comprehensive ideas
Some minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes are present. It would be helpful to proofread your essay to catch these small mistakes. Consider using grammar-check tools or asking someone else to review your work.
introduction conclusion present
Revising your introduction to be more engaging could help capture the reader's interest from the beginning. Try to briefly highlight your main points here.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay clearly presents your stance on the issue and provides arguments to support it.
logical structure
You’ve structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion which helps maintain coherent flow throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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