IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue can be solved?

#countries #animals #plants
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that
animals
 and
plants
 are the most significant resources for living.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that the figure of
plants
 and
animals
 is decreasing. In my opinion, I consider that the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the issue
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 two things ,which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 global
climate
 ,and hunting.
To begin
 with, killing
animals
.
In other
words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
 hunting can make
a huge changes
Correct the article-noun agreement
a huge change
huge changes
show examples
 in the food triangle,
animals
 take up half of the triangle in the system, but when hunters
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 killing
animals
 the food supplies
are starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 to diminish.
In addition
, rear
animals
 began to disappear.
For example
, there was research on the topic, and scientists found that 30% of the rare
animals
 started to decline since the hunters began to kill without knowing the
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 of these
animals
, and the solution was to
animals
 protection by putting
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
animals
a reserves
Correct the article-noun agreement
reserves
a reserve
show examples
. Another point to consider, the global
climate
is slows
Change the verb form
slows
show examples
 down the
plants
. It is
also
 possible to say that
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
climate
is slows
Change the verb form
slows
show examples
 down
plants
Change the noun form
plant
show examples
 production and
also
 helps the poisoned
plants
 to appear.
Moreover
,
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 global
climate
 is dries
plants
.
For instance
, in
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 in 1980 there was
drought
Add an article
a drought
show examples
 in rice
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, that
cost
Verb problem
caused
show examples
 food destruction among the Japanese and until now
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientists
did
Verb problem
have
show examples
 not
find
Wrong verb form
found
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 solution to
solve
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
 problem. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that If all the people knew about
this
 issue it
will helps
Wrong verb form
would help
show examples
 to decrease
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hunting and the global
climate
.
Submitted by alaa5942005 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
The introduction should be clearer and provide a more concise thesis statement. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the main points more effectively.
Coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logical flow. Improve transitions between ideas and sections.
Task response
Elaborate on points with more specific details and examples to illustrate each argument effectively. Ensure you explain how the solutions can be implemented.
Task response
The essay addresses the task prompt and provides reasons for the decline of animals and plants.
Task response
Some relevant examples are used to support the points made in the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • agricultural expansion
  • pollution control
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable practices
  • overexploitation
  • invasive species
  • conservation
  • quarantine measures
  • eradication programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • natural habitats
  • species decline
What to do next:
Look at other essays: