Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #health #person #service #companies #care

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Healthcare is one of the crucial

part

Change to a plural noun

parts

show examples

of society's well-being. There are two approaches to

this

Linking Words

issue: private and public healthcare. Some people believe that the first approach

Add a missing verb

is more

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effective,

while

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others adhere to the contrary opinion. I support a combination of both

ones

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

and we will discuss the issue

further

Linking Words

Firstly

Linking Words

, we will consider the first point of view. Usually private companies

Add a missing verb

are more

show examples

productive

due to

Linking Words

Remove the article

apply

show examples

competition with one another. As a rule, a worker's salary in the private sector

higher

Add a missing verb

is higher

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than the public sector

hence

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private companies can hire more competent experts and improve

quality

Correct article usage

the quality

show examples

of services.

For example

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, some advanced countries,

such

Linking Words

USA

Correct article usage

the USA

show examples

and

Correct article usage

the UK

show examples

, use

this

Linking Words

model.

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

such

Linking Words

approach

Correct article usage

an approach

show examples

reduces a burden on the budget.

Secondly

Linking Words

, we will consider the second point of view. Paid treatment is a negative incentive

inasmush

Correct your spelling

inasmuch

as people will complain about your health less often

therefore

Linking Words

indivuals

Correct your spelling

individuals

will fall ill more frequently.

Moreover

Linking Words

, private

company

Fix the agreement mistake

companies

show examples

doesn't

Correct subject-verb agreement

don't

show examples

aspire to treat you,

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

wants

Correct subject-verb agreement

want

show examples

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

you

use

Fix the infinitive

to use

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their service incessantly.

Thus

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we can meet unconscientious

advices

Change the wording

advice

pieces of advice

bits of advice

show examples

for some diseases.

Besides

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government

Add an article

the government

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has more resources than private companies ergo it can acquire contemporary expensive equipment

such

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as scanning transmission electron microscopes, hypersonic scanners, and ventilators. Some countries are famous its public medicine, the most vivid example is Cuba. In conclusion, I want to give an example of Russian

healhcare

Correct your spelling

healthcare

health care

. It combines both public and private systems.

American

Add an article

The American

show examples

system of Medicare is a good sample

likewise

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. In that

way

Add a comma

way,

show examples

every person has the right to healthcare and can pay in addiction for paid services.

Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on Fri Jul 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on smoothing the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Avoid repetition of ideas, especially in the conclusion where new insights or a strong rephrasing of your argument could be more compelling.

task achievement

Correct grammatical errors and ensure subject-verb agreement, such as 'a worker's salary in the private sector higher...' should be 'a worker's salary in the private sector is higher...'. This will improve the readability and professionalism of the essay.

task achievement

The essay addresses both viewpoints and provides relevant examples to support the discussion.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the main argument and reinforce the essay’s overall position.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

It is Crucial for Everyone, Especially Youth, to Save Money for the Future

Today more and more people want things instantly. Why is this? Is it positive or negative development.

In many parts of the world, some famous people are considered ‘role models’, and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is this a positive or negative development?