Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices in everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment)is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important to make decisions about matters affect them. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Allowing
kids
to make their own decisions
on everyday matters such
as food, clothes and having fun is likely to result in a society of individuals who believe about
their own wishes. Change preposition
in
While
others
individuals assume that it is relevant for Correct quantifier usage
other
kids
to make choices about matters that affect them. In my view, kids
needs
Change the verb form
need
freedom
in a way of living and sharing taste like other human does in everyday matters. The essay will discuss both views.
To begin
with, when kids
are allowed to make their own decisions
it boosts their level of confidence when they become adults. This
act eradicate
bullying, Change the verb form
eradicates
for instance
, if a child
is giving
the opportunity to express their feelings Wrong verb form
given
for
the kind of clothes they put on or what to eat, other children tend to fear hr/she since they can express their opinions Change preposition
about
than
those raised to obey rules and Correct quantifier usage
more than
decisions
impose on them. This
could be addressed by parents and guidance allowing children to make their own decisions
and guiding them.
On the other hand
, every child
deserves a sense of freedom
in their lives since they are going to make up the society one day. In most times, freedom
results as
arrogant and Change preposition
in
disobedience
Replace the word
disobedient
child
who consider their needs more important than others. In addition
, if a
children are allowed to experience difficulties in Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
decision making
, Add a hyphen
decision-making
this
will lead to successful politician
in one's nation. Teachers, parents and religious leaders should educate them Fix the agreement mistake
politicians
create
awareness Correct word choice
and create
to
Change preposition
of
such
issues.
To conclude
, every child
deserves a sense of freedom
to be confident so they can take other people's needs into consideration in future.Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear but could be more specific about the points you will discuss in the essay. Consider elaborating on the main views and your stance more precisely.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs have clear and distinct main ideas. This can be achieved by sharpening the topic sentences and ensuring each paragraph discusses only one main point.
task achievement
You need to support your points with more specific examples or evidence. This can make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth to enhance the overall flow of the essay. This can be done by using more linking words and phrases.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and have discussed both views, which is essential for this essay type.
task achievement
Your writing shows an effort to provide a balanced view and a personal opinion, which adds depth to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.