Children are now watching more television than they have ever done before. What are some of the negative effects of children watching a lot of television? Do you think young children should be allowed to watch television?

The
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
number of
children
who watch television these days,
while
in the past, most
children
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
not spend a lot of
time
watching
TV
.
This
essay will discuss some of the passive sides of
children
watching too much television and I believe that
children
can watch
TV
with some rules that organize their
time
. The possibility of some health problems for
children
increases, and one of these issues is obesity. When
children
spend a long
time
opposite the
TV
, that means they do not do any outdoor activity and just eat and watch.
This
might lead to
rising
Replace the word
a rise
show examples
in their weight.
In addition
, the level of education for
children
may be affected
due to
they stay long hours
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
TV
.
For example
, My friend's family has two sons, one of them likes to watch
TV
and his level in school is low,
while
the other does not watch
TV
and his level in school is high.
Children
would watch
TV
for a short
time
with their parents and
this
time
is to be
Verb problem
,
show examples
done
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
all their homework. Fathers and mothers should put
time
for their
children
to stay in front of the television and they ought to know what is their
children
watching on the
TV
.
Furthermore
, programs are watched by
children
which should be special for
children
, and these programs ought to have educational goals for
children
. If the programs had all of these rules,
children
would watch them. In conclusion, there are a lot of
children
who spend a long
time
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
TV
,
this
has some negative aspects
such
as health problems and they should watch
TV
under the control of their parents.
Submitted by a2100b2100 on

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task response
Try to elaborate more on each negative effect of children watching too much television. Provide deeper explanations or additional examples.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical connections between sentences and paragraphs. Use more transition words to link ideas smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame your essay well.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • cognitive development
  • social interactions
  • violent content
  • age-appropriate
  • healthy habits
  • attention span
  • media consumption
  • parental supervision
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