Nowadays, the internet offers a lot of benefits in people’s lives, however, it produces new negative effects in society. This essay will explain the paramount problems that might appear of using the internet and propose the solutions for this issue.
To begin
with, one of the biggest internet
threats
is cybercrime
which never existed before. Cybercrime
is the various kinds of crime acts which utilize the internet
as a medium to attack people in order to obtain benefits. Based on the data pool from the Indonesia National Police cyber crime reports in 2024 tripled compared to 2020 consisting of scamming, personal data leaked
, fraud and sexual content. Wrong verb form
leaking
Moreover
, health
problems have emerged as new threats
to individuals who often use the internet
. People tend to have a sedentary life which less active and stick to the internet
for a long time. This
activity produces health
problems such
as obesity, eye-strain dan mental disorders.
Furthermore
, the possible solutions need collaborative action from the Government and society to tackle the cybercrime
threats
. The authority should regulate cybercrime
regulation and ensure all systems that operate follow the national safety procedure, therefore
there is no hole for the perpetrator to carry out the crime. On the other hand
, each of the citizens has to increase their awareness to protect their internet
accounts. In addition
, Parents have a crucial role in protecting their family from health
issues by controlling and giving suggestions to have good time management as well as
to have a work-life balance.
In conclusion, the internet
creates new threats
to humankind that never existed before such
as cyber crimes and health
problems. Thus
, the government and society have to collaborate to tackle these issues to get a better lifeSubmitted by sofinnovita on
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coherence cohesion
You should aim for clearer transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on the solutions section to give a more comprehensive response to the given issue. Elaborate on how the government and individuals can act together.
task achievement
Consider providing more data points or case studies to strengthen your examples and make your arguments more robust.
task achievement
You provided a thorough response discussing both the problems and solutions related to the given topic, which shows a good grasp of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure and concise organization, making it easy for readers to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You've included specific examples, such as data from the Indonesia National Police, which make your arguments more convincing and grounded in reality.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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