IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar which cause many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to enourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #enourage #people
These
dyas
Correct your spelling
days
,
people
's buying capacity has been increasing tremendously than ever before.
However
, many
people
 say that an overdose of
sugar
 is being
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 food and drinks
products
 by
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
, henceforth, increasing the
price
 of
sugar
-based
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
products
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can lead to reducing of
consume
Verb problem
apply
show examples
sugar
 levels.
Hence
, I partially agree with
this
 statement for the following reasons.
To begin
 with,
sugar
products
 should be made more expensive because many
products
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
 more
sugar
 levels, so when the
price
 is peek
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the population might
be consumed
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
 very less
level
 of
sugars
Fix the agreement mistake
sugar
show examples
 in order to they can stay far away from many deadly diseases like diabetes.
This
 is, increasing the
price
 of tax on sugary
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
 that mankind
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not purchase enormous
level
, and
as a result
, they are being healthy.
For example
,
accroding
Correct your spelling
according
 to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent survey said that, increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
level
 2
diabetics
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
 in day-to-day around the world
due to
people
are
Verb problem
having
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sweet tooth and they cannot ignore
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
eating more sweets
such
 as
softdrinks
Correct your spelling
soft drinks
. Needless to say
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
encourging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 to
people
 buy less
sugar
that's
Verb problem
is
show examples
 the only way to
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 the tax on sugary-based
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
products
besides
 the population never
stop
Correct subject-verb agreement
stops
show examples
 to intake that.
In contrast
, there is another way to reduce the intake
level
 of
sugar-based
Correct your spelling
sugar based
show examples
 on
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
instead
 of increasing the taxes on that
particuar
Correct your spelling
particular
products
 which is
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 awareness should be arranged by the authorities about how
overdose
Add an article
an overdose
show examples
 of
sugar
products
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
people
's lives and what
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diseases will
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
.
This
 is, conducting small
campaings
Correct your spelling
campsites
 in the countryside along with towns
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every weekend meanwhile the local authorities and the
mediacl practistioners
Correct your spelling
medical practitioners
 show all
details
Correct article usage
the details
show examples
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 videos.
For instance
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
India has been
conducting trh
Verb problem
raising
show examples
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 towards
people
 to buy
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
suagr
Correct your spelling
sugar
products
 in order to
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have the minimum number of
sugar
 patients as compared to around the world.
In addition
,
encourging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 residents to do
physicial
Correct your spelling
physical
 activities to improve their well-being from
affefing
Correct your spelling
affecting
offering
 diabetes
also
 prevention
ofdiseases
Correct your spelling
of diseases
apartfrom
Correct your spelling
apart from
 increasing the cost
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
sugar
-based
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
. In conclusion, certainly, increasing the cost of
sugar
-based
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
 can reduce the consumption of sugary items in order to humankind
stay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
far away from
type2
Correct your spelling
type 2
diabetic
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
. Even though, creating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of
sugar
-based
product's
Fix the agreement mistake
products'
show examples
 negative consequences through campaigns
as well as
encourging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 to do
physicial
Correct your spelling
physical
 activities to the population can lead to avoiding
diabetics
Change the noun form
diabetic
show examples
 diseases
rater
Correct your spelling
rather
show examples
 than increasing the
price
 of
sugar
 items.
Therefore
, I partially agree with
this
 statement in the
above-mentione
Correct your spelling
above-mentioned
 details.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Improve grammar and spelling to enhance clarity. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, consistency in verb tenses, and correct word forms.
examples
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
cohesion
Work on the fluidity and coherence of your paragraphs. Make sure that each paragraph flows logically to the next, and that your ideas are well-connected.
balance
You attempted to cover both sides of the argument, indicating a balanced perspective on the issue.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for the essay.
content
You have made some valid points about the health impacts of sugar and alternative ways to address the issue.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: